tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44046738732690180132024-02-06T21:56:18.990-08:00Exploring With Teacher AnnieTODDLERHOOD. The stage of life between 12 and 36 months is unique and special. Toddlers see things in their own way and have very strong feelings. Often, we adults have a lot of difficulty understanding what the toddlers in our life need from us. Explore the wonders of toddlerhood with me, from a developmental persepective.
(Note: I change names and details when discussing things that happen at preschool.)ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-48843406554497766622017-03-19T11:19:00.001-07:002017-03-19T11:28:09.902-07:00Disequilibrium: The Roller Coaster Ride of Development<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: blue;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "avantgarde";"><span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i><b>"HELP! An alien has invaded my child's body. She has always been happy and "easy," but overnight she has become someone I don't recognize! She has several tantrums every day, she throws fits over things that are completely unreasonable, she seems unhappy most of the time, she's not sleeping or eating, and every day is a struggle. I feel like the worlds worst parent! What am I doing wrong? How can I get my real child back and get rid of this hostile alien being????"</b></i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde";"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde";"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">I can't even count how many times I hear this from parents every year. And I empathize. I remember what it was like to experience this as a new parent. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde";"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: xx-small;">The good news is that it's probably just a very typical phase of development, known as "disequilibrium." Children go in and out of disequilibrium periods on a regular basis throughout childhood. It's normal, and even necessary to their development. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: xx-small;">The bad news is that there is no "cure." </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">But when parents are armed with knowledge, they find it MUCH easier to cope and to avoid becoming overwhelmed. They can even help their child cope with this difficult time as well, if they understand a little bit about disequilibrium:</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i><br /></i>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i>-In typical development, periods of equilibrium are interwoven with periods of disequilibrium.
</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i>-Children usually alternate between these two states on a fairly regular basis all through childhood, and into the teen
years.
</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i>-The timing of these cycles are very individual, but research has shown that it’s common for children to experience
equilibrium around their birthdays and disequilibrium around their half-birthdays. So, for example, you may find your two-
year-old to be easy and happy, but when he/she reaches two and a half, it may be a very stormy time in the child’s
development.
</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i>-Equilibrium describes the periods when the child is relatively easy to live with, happy, and steady. Parenting feels
rewarding during these times.
</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i>-Disequilibrium describes the periods when the opposite is true. The child is oppositional, difficult, frequently upset, and
negative. Parenting feels difficult.
</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i>-Equilibrium is described as the periods when the individual is consolidating and practicing known skills. Think of these
periods as the plateaus.
</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i>-Disequilibrium is described as the periods when the individual is ready to learn NEW skills, and is often feeling the
frustration and restlessness that accompanies this learning. Think of these periods as the “uphill climb” of development.
</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i>-For some children, the movement from equilibrium to disequilibrium can seem to happen overnight, leaving both child
and parent shocked and confused at the sudden changes in feelings and behavior.
</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i>-Disequilibrium often precedes a physical, cognitive, or emotional growth spurt.
</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i>-Physical symptoms sometimes accompany disequilibrium. Children can have trouble going to sleep or staying asleep.
They may have a larger or smaller appetite, or have different tastes in food. They may have more or less energy than
before, and may be a bit more accident-prone.
</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i>-When parents understand that disequilibrium is a natural part of development, they are better prepared to cope with
the difficulties.
</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i>-Disequilibrium is not an ideal time for big changes in the family’s lifestyle, or for parents to “lay down the law.” Research
shows that flexibility and understanding, combined with appropriate firmness and consistency, seem to help children
through these rough times.
</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i>-While I recognize that this isn’t easy, I recommend that parents do their best to “embrace the disequlibrium” as much as
possible, and try to realize that these rough periods are necessary for healthy development.
</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9.000000pt;"><i>-This is an excellent article about disequilibrium, as well as many other useful articles:
</i></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i style="background-color: white;">http://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/child-development/developmental-stages-the-roller-coaster-
of-equilibrium-and-disequilibrium/
</i></span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i style="background-color: white;">
</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9pt;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "avantgarde"; font-size: 9pt;"><i>The book series published by the Gesell Institute of Human Development begins with Your One Year Old, and provides a
very helpful and read-able book for each year of childhood up to the early teens. These books are based on decades
of thorough longitudinal research, and describe the disequilibrium periods that can be expected, as well as other
characteristics of the age. I recommend that parents read these books each year a few months in advance of their
children’s birthdays. You will be armed with very helpful knowledge, and you will find the ups and downs of your child’s
development to be much easier to understand. Available in libraries, bookstores, and online. </i></span></span></div>
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ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-13673747676122619462013-09-05T17:23:00.000-07:002013-09-05T17:23:02.183-07:00JUST. GO. PLAY.
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As we begin school, all parents are hoping for the ideal
co-op preschool experience for themselves and their child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We parents envision ourselves
cheerfully and competently assisting all the children in our area of the
classroom, while our own child happily and busily explores all the class
activities, makes new friends, and comes to check in with us and give a quick
hug in between adventures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most
Explorer kids and parents will have a number of these idyllic preschool days
this year, but it’s not terribly realistic to think that all children will
start out their school experience with this level of confidence and
enthusiasm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many children, due to
their own unique and inborn temperament, may take awhile to warm up to school. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During the first few weeks, your child may be sticking very
close to you when you are at school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is normal for many kids, and they use this adjustment period to
observe things from a distance, make sense of what they are seeing and hearing,
and re-calibrating their expectations of the world based on these new
experiences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, this “clingy phase” of the new school year can be an
important adjustment period for some children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But our goals for all children is that they participate and
fully engage in school activities once they’re ready.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What can parents do to help make sure their kids don’t get
stuck in clingy-mode? </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here are a few simple things you can do to empower your
child to move forward in their enjoyment of school, whatever their temperament:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-Show empathy but not sympathy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I can see you’re sad” is more empowering than “My poor
baby.”</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-Try not to push them away or nag at them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we’re too eager for our kids to
Just. Go. Play, this tends to make them want to cling tighter. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-Accept their need for staying close to you, but don’t
promote it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t be excessively
cuddly, don’t give backrubs, don’t over-help, don’t give non-stop eye contact
with your clingy child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This type
of parent behavior reinforces clinginess and fear of new experiences. Give a
quick hug, and get back to your job of interacting with ALL the children. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-Focus on the other kids and on your job in the classroom,
not on your child. Try to spend the majority of your classroom time talking
with and assisting other children, doing the tasks on your work card, and
learning to know all the children in the class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This can be difficult when a fussy or clingy child is
demanding our attention, so it sometimes takes deliberate effort. Be available
for quick check-ins, but not for extended cuddling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-Remember that sometimes the most helpful parenting
technique is Selective Ignoring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you are too busy to give attention to some of the clingy behaviors,
your child will have less incentive to engage in them.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-Talk to your teacher. We teachers don’t know any magic
tricks, and we respect the children’s need to adjust to school in their own
time. But there may be things we can do to help you NOT reinforce the clinging,
and to help your child feel more ready to engage in school. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-And the most important<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>lesson of all is one which Konne taught me 20-some years ago
when my own daughter was stuck like glue to me here at school:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be persistent and keep on keeping
on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By doing this, you’re giving
your child a very important message:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“You and your education are so important to me that I’m happy to be here
at preschool, even when you’re acting like THIS.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Enjoy this wonderful new school year,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>whatever comes along.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your child is learning every minute,
whether it feels like The Perfect Day or not.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-42189606951685427222013-07-30T09:37:00.001-07:002013-07-30T09:37:12.274-07:00MIXED FEELINGS
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">School is starting soon, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and there’s excitement in the air!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all, Explorer is the "<i>Actual Happiest Place On Earth</i><span style="font-style: normal;">," right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Parents, kids and teachers are all looking forward to starting another
wonderful year. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But let’s be honest:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>some parents may already be feeling the first twinges of anxiety about
leaving their child at school. If you are feeling this way, don’t think you’re
alone!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Separation is a complex process for children and parents.
Each child and each parent is unique, and will experience separation in a
different way. Many of our families will have no separation issues at all. But
it’s not at all uncommon for some children and some parents to feel anxious
about saying goodbye at first. But remember, your teachers have lots of
experience helping families through this.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We’ve learned that there are certain things parents can do
to help their children and themselves through the process of learning to say
goodbye. While there are no quick fixes for separation anxiety or most other
developmental phases, adults can learn to do certain things to make things a
bit easier. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here are some things to keep in mind:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-Talk to your teacher if you are worried about this, or
about anything else. It’s our job to help you and your child settle into
school. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-Realize that most children, from toddlerhood on, benefit in
many, many ways from attending a developmentally appropriate preschool program.
Even if there is some anxiety and discomfort related to separation, this is
often an important part of development.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-Often, the parent’s anxiety is much greater than the
child’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not uncommon for a
child to pick up on the parent’s worry, and then become upset, even if they
would have been just fine otherwise. So it’s important for parents to pay
attention to their OWN feelings and acknowledge them. Working through our own
emotions is one way to avoid passing on vague feelings of anxiety to your
child. I think children are happiest when they are allowed to experience their
own feelings, but are not entangled in the complicated feelings of adults.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-It’s unpredictable: we can’t accurately predict if a child
will be upset by separation on any particular day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Children surprise us all the time. Children who have been
happy and confident at school sometimes suddenly begin feeling anxious about
saying goodbye. This is usually just an offshoot of the child’s current brain
development:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>as children become
more aware of their world and of themselves, they sometimes develop new and
unexpected emotional responses that are unlike how they have responded previously.
When a child develops a new and unexpected level of separation anxiety, it’s
best for parents to be calm and supportive, and to realize it is probably
temporary. And sometimes kids we think are going to have a problem turn out to
be just fine when saying goodbye. It’s best to try to be open minded and let
your child feel whatever they feel.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-The strong emotions of parenthood can sneak up adults as
well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>separation distress is often more
related to parents’ feelings than to the child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We parents can feel overwhelmed without warning sometimes,
even if our child is doing just fine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Be prepared to let the feelings flow, in yourself and in your child. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-Try not to be disappointed or upset if things are tough at
times:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve learned over the years
that when children (or grownups) struggle a little, it’s a sure sign that they
are learning and growing. Instead of fighting the difficult times, it’s best to
embrace them and work through them together, and always look for signs of
growth that result.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-We can't know how long it will take a child to work through separation difficulties. This can vary widely, and we need to give our children the time they need.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-Think about the messages that you ultimately want to give
your child. Of course we want them to feel loved and supported, so we want to
be responsive when they are upset. But we also want to avoid giving them
messages such as:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“It’s the end of the world when I’m upset!” or </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I can only trust Mom to take care of me!” or </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“The world is a scary and overwhelming place!” or </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I can’t handle my big feelings!” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So we have to be careful to convey to our children that we
have confidence in them, and that we trust the teachers and other parents at
school. It’s also important to avoid “rescuing” them. Our children are always
noticing subtle changes in our tone of voice, facial expression, or body
language, as well as our choice of words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ask yourself if you are communicating confidence or insecurity to your
child by your nonverbal and verbal communication. Even if you’re feeling a
little unsure yourself, your child will feel more confident when you make a
conscious effort to behave confidently.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-Practice saying something like, "I know you will have a good time at school when you're ready. Your teacher and your friends can help you if you feel sad, and remember, I always come back for you!" </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-Focus on the positive aspects of school. Help your child think about the toys, the friends, and the activities that he or she looks forward to. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-It’s ok to cry. Kids AND Parents have permission to cry whenever
they need to. It is an important way to express ourselves, to relieve tension,
and to work through emotions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Adults are programmed to react strongly to children crying, but
sometimes we need to suppress our urges to “try to get them to stop.” I often
hold a child’s hand and tell them it’s ok to cry until they’re all done, and I
let them know I’m there to help them. This is often the best way to show
support and to help the child through a difficult moment. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-It’s usually best to say a simple goodbye. Make sure the teacher or another parent is available to help your child, then remind the child
that you’ll be back, say goodbye with a smile, and <i>JUST GO</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Dragging out goodbyes is usually the worst thing to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> It's never a good idea to change your mind and come back for one more hug. This is torture for your child. </span>With some of the youngest toddlers,
parents and I may decide to try working on separation in a gradual progression.
With other young toddlers, it seems that the most helpful way is to make a “clean
break” and just have the parent say a brief and confident goodbye and leave
them on my lap. I’ve found that with one year olds and young two year olds, the best approach may vary, based on the individual child’s temperament and level of development.
But with the older children, a simple goodbye is usually best, no matter how
the child is feeling at the moment. The most important thing is to have trust in the teacher
and confidence in your child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-Remember: your choice to enroll in a good preschool will
offer many rewards for your child and for yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t let the normal process of separation anxiety cause you
to doubt your parenting choices. And remember, we’re all in this
together. Sometimes the best remedy for separation anxiety is going out for coffee with another preschool parent! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">See you at school!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-34483550537983441452012-09-30T15:35:00.001-07:002012-09-30T15:39:20.340-07:00HIT HAPPENS<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"What do you do when a child hits someone?" </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is a question that we discuss a lot at preschool, especially at the beginning of the year when everyone is still learning their way. "I thought you didn't allow hitting at school!" "Shouldn't you DO something about it?"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We definitely do not allow
hitting (or pushing, grabbing, or biting) at preschool. And most parents don’t
allow it at home. But yes, hitting does happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes it can be confusing to reconcile these two
statements when parents are first learning to grasp the basic concepts of
positive discipline. But the reality is that most children experiment with
aggressive behaviors at times, even in the context of a very positive and well-supervised
environment. It’s a natural and normal part of social and emotional
development.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is expected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it’s not condoned, it’s not
“allowed.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So how should we handle
hitting when it does happen? We know that punishment, such as punitive
time-outs do not help children learn self-regulation and pro-social behavior
that will guide them throughout their lives. Our goal is for <i>long-term
learning</i>, not a quick-fix. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s usually best to ignore
certain negative behaviors, such as whining.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is often the most effective positive discipline
technique in many situations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
we should not ignore aggression or conflict. When hitting happens, teachers and
parents need to work with everyone involved to make sure that it’s a learning
experience. Once things have calmed down and everyone is safe and feeling
better, we then can look for a “teachable moment”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> and figure out how to make the best use of this opportunity for learning.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Every situation is different,
and all children have different needs and are at a different level or readiness
to learn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But some examples of
appropriate responses to hitting might be:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b>-Discuss the situation with
the child who did the hitting, and make sure she knows she is cared for and
will always be listened to. Children who feel that they do not have a voice
often resort to hitting.<o:p></o:p></b></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b>-See if the child is ready to
learn better ways to express his feelings, and then help him practice. “When
you’re using a toy and someone wants it, what can you do or say instead of
hitting? Let’s practice saying<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>‘I’m using that toy!’”<o:p></o:p></b></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b>-<o:p></o:p></b></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b>-Encourage the child to find
a way to make amends to the child they hit. It makes no sense to try to force a
child to say “I’m sorry,” so I definitely do not recommend this. But often, a
child really is sorry, and would like help telling and showing their friend
their remorse. <o:p></o:p></b></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b>-Remain calm and
nonjudgemental.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quite often, I’ve
noticed that a hitting incident shocked and surprised the child who hit just as
much as the child who was hit.
When adults overreact, it makes it hard for children to be calm enough to be
ready to learn anything from the situation.<o:p></o:p></b></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b>-Encourage the child who was
hit to speak up and say, “No! I don’t like that.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We want to make sure that every situation that happens
between children is a positive learning experience for EVERYONE. <o:p></o:p></b></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b>-Examine the environment and
see if there is anything that we can change to make hitting less likely in the
future. Need more toys?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or fewer
toys?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More space? More time for
quiet play or more outdoor time? There are lots and lots of reasons why adults unknowingly
create environments for children that make it very hard for kids to remain
calm. Putting ourselves in the sneakers of the kids for a minute and asking
ourselves how we would feel in this situation, classroom, or environment if we
were 2, or 5, or 8, can help us identify things that we can easily change to
help children be more successful in their social interactions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b></i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></b></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">-Think about the age and developmental stage of the children. A two year old thinks and learns very differently from an eight year old. Different ages and stages require different approaches.</span></b></i></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
In any situation, we might do any one of a
thousand things that could help lay the foundation for the children to
gradually learn self-discipline. Every child is unique, and every situation is different,
so a one-size-fits-all “rule” wouldn’t work to achieve the teaching of true
self-discipline. But when any form of aggression is involved, we don’t want to
simply ignore the behavior.</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Parents and teachers who are
committed to positive discipline want to make sure that everything that happens
is a valuable learning experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We know that no one learns anything important “once and for all.” Real
learning takes time and often requires repeated experience and practice. Role
modeling, direct instruction, trial and error, and many other methods can support the process of learning. Children learn by doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They don’t learn just from being told what to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is true for learning the alphabet,
learning to tie your shoe, or learning to play with friends without
hitting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The most important thing is
that adults respect the process of social learning that children are going
through every time they play together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s our job to help make sure that any situation of conflict is a
positive learning experience for everyone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And no, that does NOT mean
that we “don’t do anything” about hitting, or that we “allow” it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It just means that we think deeply
about our goals and intentions and about the needs of the children, and try our
best to respond appropriately.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</span><span class="Apple-style-span">For more great help and ideas, look at <a href="http://www.positivediscipline.com/">www.positivediscipline.com</a>. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></span><br />
<!--EndFragment-->ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-65529334556214926452012-08-25T12:13:00.004-07:002012-08-25T12:13:38.977-07:00EMBRACE THE AWE
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde";">I love it when I run
across something that helps me understand my own experiences. Like this
article, for instance: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde";"><i>Awe
Enhances Well-Being<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde";"><i>A paper
published by researchers at the Stanford University and the University of
Minnesota, "</i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i><a href="http://mail.ccie.com/go/eed/8342"><span style="color: #000057; font-family: "Avant Garde";">Awe Expands People’s Perception of Time, Alters Decision Making,
and Enhances Well-Being</span></a></i></span><span style="font-family: "Avant Garde";"><i>,"
concludes... "When do people feel as if they are rich in time? Not
often, research and daily experience suggest. However, three experiments
showed that participants who felt awe, relative to other emotions, felt they
had more time available and were less impatient.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde";"><i>"Participants
who experienced awe were also more willing to volunteer their time to help
others, more strongly preferred experiences over material products , and
experienced a greater boost in life satisfaction.... These changes in
decision making and well being were due to awe’s ability to alter the
subjective experience of time. Experiences of awe bring people into the
present moment, which underlies awe’s capacity to adjust time perception,
influence decisions, and make life feel more satisfying than it would
otherwise." <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(From Child Care
Exchange)<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde";">Wow- this explains a
lot. Yes, it was an “A-ha moment” for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This concept explains why my husband and I feel it’s
worth the trouble to spend ten days camping in the redwoods up north every
summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course we experience a
deep sense of awe as we stroll through groves of 2,000 year old trees that are
so huge it boggles the mind. Who wouldn’t be awestruck? The awe sticks with us
for months, and makes our yearly camping getaways a necessary part of our
mental and physical health.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
call our little tent and our regular campsite our Budget Vacation Home, and
look forward to our camping trips all year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde";">This article also
gives insight into why my years as a teacher of toddlers and toddlers’ parents
have gone by in a flash: I feel a sense of awe many times every day at
preschool. I’m amazed and awestruck at the wisdom of the children, and at the
toddler curiosity that leads them to be so wise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m in awe of the development and growth that I get to
observe up close in the children and parents. It’s truly awesome (yes, it’s an
overused word) to be surrounded by parents who are so dedicated to doing right
by their child, and who are also demonstrating how important it is that all
adults care for the well-being of ALL children. And I could go on and on……… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde";">The word “awe” is a
perfect way to describe how I feel at school on a daily basis. I quickly forget
the inevitable minor frustrations and challenges, but the sense of awe goes
home with me every day and stays with me. It makes me eager to get to school
the next day and do it all over again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde";">And of course,
there’s the element of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“awwwwwww…”Factor as well:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>even though “cute” isn’t part of the early childhood educator’s
professional lexicon, there’s no denying that the words and actions of these
tiny little new people are incredibly adorable and heartwarming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But cuteness alone would not have kept
me going in this demanding work for all these years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Cute” wears thin over time, but “awe-inspiring” never does.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde";">My new understanding
about the effect of “awe” on the human brain and emotions also helps me
understand how and why the extremely dedicated parents in our school somehow
manage to make it all work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Juggling the demands of a parent participation preschool, young
children, jobs, and other responsibilities is not easy. I often wonder if some
of these moms and dads have some sort of super powers to manage everything as
well as they do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that each
one of our parents must be experiencing that exhilarating sense of awe and
wonder as they get to know a group of children, and observe them at play for an
entire year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Awe is motivating.
Awe gives energy. Awe produces super-parent-powers when they’re needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our parents are in awe of the developmental
leaps and bounds for which they have a front-row seat. This causes the brain’s
perception of time to shift a little, helping them to feel less rushed, and
helping them realize that all the time and effort they put in to our school<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>is well worth it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is what I experience as a teacher,
and also what I experienced 20 years ago when I was an Explorer Preschool mom. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde";">Look for
awe-inspiring moments with your children every day. It will help you to focus
less on the not-so-awesome parts of parenting, and will help you to fully
experience this special time as your children are growing. It will help you
make better parenting decisions and be a happier person in general. Happy
parents raise happy kids.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde";">Explorer parents,
please take note, however: It takes a fully staffed classroom to offer the
children an awe-inspiring day at school. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On your classroom work days,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>please wait until you’re on the way to
school (and on time) to be awestruck by your amazing children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re still depending on you to be at
school ready to work with all the other awesome kids by 8:45 sharp!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde";">I’m looking forward
to experiencing the awe of toddlerhood together with all my new families as we
begin another awesome year at preschool!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-32129456219401346102012-06-11T17:49:00.001-07:002012-06-11T17:49:52.092-07:00Take Control Of Your Messages<br />
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
Our children look to us to figure out "how to feel" and "how to be." This developmental process is called <i>social referencing</i>. It happens all the time! Adults play a huge role in teaching children how to feel, what to feel, and how to cope with their feelings. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
For example, we've all seen toddlers glance at Mom's face while deciding whether or not their bruised knee is worth crying about after a fall. If the physical and emotional hurt is minor, and if other business is more pressing (such as continuing their play,) the child will jump up and recover quickly. If adults show signs of being upset, worried, or emotional about the fall, the child quickly judges that this boo-boo is a Big Deal, and responds accordingly. This type of thing happens all day, every day, in the lives of children, parents, and teachers. It's part of the child's development, and an integral part of the relationship between parents and their children. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Children are astute observers and sharp-eyed parent-watchers. They receive many verbal and nonverbal messages every day from us, and integrate their perception of these messages into their worldview. It becomes a part of them. These messages can be positive or negative, helpful or unhelpful, healthy or unhealthy. A great deal of the time, adults don't even know that they are sending any messages at all. We're so focused on the child, and so busy with the details of life that we often don't have the self-awareness to realize what we're telling our kids through our actions, behaviors, facial expressions, tones of voice, and body language. And this is the problem: when we're unaware, we can often send messages that are negative, alarming, or inaccurate. For instance, if a mom, out of habit, sighs loudly every time her child makes a small mess (even when the setting/situation makes messy play appropriate and fairly easy to deal with) that gives the child the message that messy play isn't ok, and that their desire to explore messily must be a bad thing. This mom might not have even been thinking anything at all about the messiness of the child's play, but her non-verbal communication conveyed the message to the child without her being aware of it. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Whew- we parents have so many opportunities to "get it wrong!" But don't worry: we have ENDLESS opportunities to get it right! We can't be completely aware of what messages we are sending our kids 100% of the time. And we can't be sure exactly how they are perceiving our communication. But when it comes to some of the truly important things, it's a good idea to work on self-awareness, and strive to be in control of what we are teaching our children. It might be a good idea to simply pay attention for the next couple of days, and observe yourself and the effect you have on your child through your small moment-by-moment responses. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
A good example of this is related to trust. We want our children to learn to trust. A sense of trust is a basic cornerstone of a happy life and of healthy relationships. Of course, we also want our kids to become able to judge who is and who is not trustworthy. This comes with time, experience, and guidance. But when adults show nonverbal signs of fear and insecurity to their children, the kids quickly begin to believe that the world is not a safe place, and that people are not to be trusted. This kind of message can have lasting effects, and sometimes parents aren't even aware that they are communicating fear to their children. Ask yourself: what nonverbal cues and behaviors might convey to my child a sense of trust and confidence in the people around us? And conversely, what kinds of behaviors convey the opposite? What can I do to make sure I'm giving my child an empowering message instead of a fearful one?</div>
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What examples of Social Referencing have you noticed in your family or with other people? What kinds of messages do you want to give you child, and how can you adjust your verbal and nonverbal messages to accomplish this? Look for examples around you today, and share some of them in a comment!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
Bottom line: Perfection in parenting isn't necessary or possible, but striving for self-awareness is very important. This can help you be in control of what you are teaching your children about themselves and their feelings.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-75298007085985525932012-04-26T14:07:00.002-07:002012-04-26T14:14:15.010-07:00SCREEN-FREE WEEK 2012: APRIL 30-MAY 6<br />
<i>(SCROLL DOWN IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE "SCREEN-FREE IDEAS" SECTION)</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Screen-Free
Week: What a concept! When my kids were little, I sort of knew that tv-watching wasn’t the best way for my children to spend their
time. But what I didn’t understand
is that kids who watch less tv (or better yet, <i>no</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"> tv) become better and
better at the thing they need most:
play.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Twenty
years ago, while agreeing in principle with the idea of spending a screen-free
week with my preschoolers, I’m sure I would have been slightly horrified at the
thought of a week without even a minute to myself. Like many other parents, I
used the tv as a babysitter. A
couple of kids’ shows every day gave me time to catch up on something, take a
shower, or just hear myself think. I didn’t realize then that an hour of tv
every day was making my kids more needy and demanding. I was a tired, struggling
mom with busy, active kids, like most preschool moms I know. And still, I’m challenging YOU to try committing to Screen-Free Week. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">One
nugget of wisdom I’ve acquired: tv and other screen-related activities reduce
children’s ability to think and create.
This results in kids who are more whiny, more bored, and more unhappy
than nature intended. A child who
isn’t used to being entertained doesn’t miss it, because they are expert at
entertaining themselves. A child
who has a steady diet of tv, movies, and video games has less faith in their
own imagination, and find it more difficult to play. Honestly: if I had it to
do over again, I’d get rid of the tv when my kids were young.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Diane
Levin is an expert on the effect that media has on children, and has authored
several well-known books about it, including "So Sexy So Soon" and "Remote Control Childhood." Here
is what she has to say about Screen-Free Week: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>Screen-Free
Week is a fun and innovative way to improve children's well-being by reducing
dependence on entertainment screen media, including television, video games,
computers, and hand-held devices. It's a time for children to unplug and
play outside, read, daydream, create, explore, and spend more time with family
and friends. And, of course, Screen-Free Week isn't just about snubbing
screens for seven days; it's a springboard for important lifestyle changes that
will improve well-being and quality of life all year round. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">I
would encourage parents to give their kids a break from electronic media, even
if the first few days may be a bit frustrating. Kids often fuss at first about the things that are best for
them. But parents who are willing
to persist through the whining will eventually be rewarded with the joy of
watching their kids play, create, converse, learn, and explore. Even movies,
video games, and tv shows that are supposedly designed for children offer very
few opportunities for any of these high-quality, brain-enriching experiences. Screen-time is always inferior to real
life, in terms of satisfying learning experiences. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><b>SCREEN-FREE IDEAS</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Here
are just a few little ideas to get you started. You and your kids already have
a million ideas for fun things to do, so please share some of these ideas with
everyone by making comments below.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Tents
and Forts Indoors and out, made
with blankets, cardboard boxes, or whatever is handy)<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Flashlights: Get a cheap one and a few extra
batteries, and see what your child comes up with! <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Clipboards: give your child a clipboard and a pen,
and ask him to walk around taking notes.
You’ll be surprised: even
toddlers often love “note-taking.”
There’s something magical about a clipboard.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Paint
with water. Give your kids
paintbrushes and buckets of water, and send them outside. Inside, give them paintbrushes and
buckets of PRETEND water. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Obstacle
courses: you create one for your
kids, then they’ll spend the rest of the day creating them for you. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Snails,
Worms, and Other Wildlife:
collect, care for, observe, discuss, and eventually release. I’ve never
met a child who didn’t love small squirmy creatures. Kids will spend HOURS on this.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Nature
art: collect flowers, leaves, etc.
and glue onto paper or cardboard. Or use nature-stuff as paintbrushes.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Playdoh
or Fingerpaint: make your own.
It’s very easy, and the making is as much fun as the finished product.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Tape. Give your child a roll of dollar-store
tape. Just don’t fall asleep…….<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Make
books or journals. They can be as simple as stapling papers together. Children love to dictate or write
stories and illustrate them. Even toddlers love drawing in their journals.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Write
a note to someone, then walk to the post office to mail it. Or sit outside waiting for the mailman
to come so you can hand it to him. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Sidewalk
chalk: draw shapes, pictures,
scribbles, people, floorplans, games.
Try it wet or dry. Try it
on decks, porches, or other surfaces that can be easily hosed off. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Play
School: the child is the teacher,
and you can be the kid!<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Invent
games, such as new forms of TAG<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Soccer-ball
challenges: how far can you kick
it or throw it?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Hanging
from bars: how long can you
hang? <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Learn
dance steps, or make up new ones<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Karaoke: use a fake microphone, and decorate the
“stage” with sparkly decorations and hand-made stars<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Reading,
reading, reading. Kids who are used to a lot of tv and video games find it
harder to concentrate on books.
But once they get out of the media-habit, all young children love to be
read to. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Make
blocks out of boxes and cartons.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">And
then of course, there are always the old tried-and true standards:<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Cloud-watching<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Tree-climbing<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Park
Days with friends<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Water
Play. Keep it simple: provide a
small tub of water in the backyard with a collection of containers for pouring,
or offer long leisurely bath times with sponges, cups, and boats.. Almost any preschooler would gladly
trade tv for water play if they were given the choice. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Mud
Pies or Sand Cooking<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-“The
Hose” If you’re in my class
at preschool, you know how awesome this tool can be! Turn it on a tiny trickle,
let your child water plants or build a river.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Collecting: rocks, leaves, shells, sticks, etc. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Ancient
History. Stories about what you
liked to play when you were their age.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Make
costumes out of newpaper and tape <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Water
the garden. Give your child a tiny
cup, and tell him the plants are thirsty.
<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">The
most important thing is that all these activities are fun. But they’re also
good learning opportunities for a wide range of ages. Many of them can be a
springboard for even better child-created activities. Some of these ideas need adults to help, at least at first,
but others are kid-driven, and adults only need to check in occasionally. None
of it is “rocket science.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">So
why is it that we sit our kids down in front of a screen as often as we do,
when there is a whole world full of kid-friendly adventures waiting for
us? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Give
it a try, and add your ideas to the list!
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Happy
Screen-Free Week!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><a href="http://www.commercialfreechildhood.org/">http://www.commercialfreechildhood.org/</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-37562418354937459472012-03-17T11:17:00.000-07:002012-03-17T11:17:22.525-07:00TRUE CONFESSIONS<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">I’ll
be honest:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t like
finding out that I’ve been wrong about something. I don’t like to admit this,
but I feel a little squirmy and uncomfortable when I’m confronted with the
vastness of all the things I don’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Like anyone else, I do try to avoid discomfort whenever possible, which
is why at home I often escape into the simplicity of dog-walks, novel-reading,
and old-movie-watching. It’s just easier to not think too hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But thank goodness, my curiosity and
desire to learn new things overrides those unfortunate insecurities most of the
time. Being a teacher of young children and their parents (and sometimes of
other teachers)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>is such an
important responsibility that I know I have to look my insecurities square in
the eye sometimes and push myself to deeper levels of understanding. If you’re
a teacher, you have to keep learning. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">While
attending the Co-op Preschool Convention last weekend, I felt the familiar
exhilaration of learning many new and useful ideas or understanding old ideas
in a deeper way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But at the
same time I felt the equally familiar discomfort of wondering if maybe I have
been off-base for a long time on certain long-help beliefs. Fortunately, I’m
finally old enough to understand that this is what learning is all about:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>being confronted with incongruencies in
your thinking, and forcing yourself to examine alternative ideas. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Throughout
the weekend at the convention, I<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>also had many confidence-building moments as I heard speakers presenting
some of my most basic and long-held ideas as if they were brand new.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s always great to have the validity
of your teaching practices re-affirmed by “experts.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Here
are a few of the things I learned or re-learned this weekend at this excellent
conference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll share some of the
challenging ideas that made me wonder about my own wisdom or lack thereof, as
well as some of the stuff I heard that made me feel like a “great teacher.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">I’ll
start off with the “easy stuff.” From a workshop on outdoor play and learning:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Outdoor
learning is better</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">This
is an easy concept for me to accept, and I always try to set up my curriculum
to reflect this basic premise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There are more sensory experiences outside, and children thrive on
having a connection with nature.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Children’s brains develop through body movement, which outdoor play
encourages. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-The
Why-Not Rule.</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">I
know that children are driven to learn through exploration and play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So when a child wants to do something
that you may not have had on your “lesson plan,” ask yourself, “ Why not?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it doesn’t harm themselves or
others, or mess up the environment or someone’s stuff, it’s probably ok even if
it wasn’t what you had in mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>These kid-generated activities (such as painting the grass as well as
the paper on the easel, or pouring sand into the water table) are often where
the best learning begins. Of course, limits related to how much time it might
take to clean up, or other adult concerns are perfectly valid at times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Real-life dictates that sometimes we
simply don’t have the time, energy, or patience to allow kids to make a big
mess, even if it’s a “productive” mess. And honestly, kids do learn about
“being civilized” when we put the brakes on their big ideas of painting on the
walls, dumping every toy out of every shelf, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But if you don’t have the Why-Not Rule in the back of your
mind, you’re very likely to reflexively say no to some valuable play and
learning that are really not much trouble at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been a Why-Not Teacher for a long time, but now I
have some new vocabulary to explain it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Anything
that can be done inside can be done outside.</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Again, this is already part of my teacher-belief system and
practices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I try to set up a
variety of learning activities outside every day, in addition to the basic
daily sand-and-water play. But hearing this again made me challenge myself to
think of more things we could do outside, with just a little extra set-up:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>such as an outdoor reading area, maybe
even more outdoor art or sensory activities, or possibly outdoor block play. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Water,
water, water.</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">As
the presenter showed photos of infants and toddlers in various outdoor play
scenarios, many of the activities looked very familiar, because they are things
we already do in my classes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
gratified to hear the presenter talking about how important it is to let
children work and play with the hose while a trickle of water runs into the
sand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she mentioned the idea
of allowing the water-source to trickle down from above, I remembered how much
fun my toddlers have when I climb up and attach the hose into the tree branches
above the sandbox, and let the water trickle, drip, or spray. The presenter
confirmed my solid belief that the vast learning that springs from endless
forms of water play is well worth the trouble. Darn- I sure wish some of the
parents I’ve had in my classes who are allergic to messes could have heard this
expert talk about this! I try my best, but sometimes it’s hard to convince
parents that although their children are very sweet, they won’t melt like sugar
if they get a little wet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Stuff
I hadn’t thought of, or had forgotten.</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">By
the end of this workshop, I had jotted down a long list of things I wanted to
try at school in the near future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This list included things such as<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>wrapping a large tree in big paper, and having kids painting it all the
way around (I did that first thing Monday morning!),<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>an awesome paint-ball-throwing activity which I’d never
heard of, bringing in more largish rocks and stones that can be moved around to
enhance play and construction in my sand area, and helping children build
things with long branches from tree-trimming (Dang- I wish I had thought of
saving the trimmings a few months ago when our playground trees were trimmed!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-The
Outdoor Classroom.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Using the outdoors as a major part of your classroom
is very basic to my teaching, and to the philosophy behind Explorer’s
curriculum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For more information
about why this is important to us, check out the information at this site:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><a href="http://www.ceconline.org/outdoor_classroom_project/index.aspx">http://www.ceconline.org/outdoor_classroom_project/index.aspx</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">From
the two major keynote speakers, I learned or re-learned lots of important
concepts related to brain development, emotional development, and how the two
are linked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of these ideas
were a bit challenging to me, as I’ll explain:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Surviving
Tantrums</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Dr.
Tina Bryson discussed how most tantrums are the result of emotional
overload.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When children’s
emotional needs build up, the logical reasoning part of the brain becomes
overwhelmed by the more basic, emotional brain regions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The amygdala, responsible for basic
emotions, takes over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Children
cannot be reasoned with in the middle of a big blow-up, but they do need comfort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Adults can help by staying nearby to
give the nonverbal message that the child, along with the child’s big feelings,
are loved and accepted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As soon as
the tantrum begins to wane, the child is usually ready to be hugged and
comforted. This reassurance and support helps create an atmosphere in which the
child will gradually feel less of a need for big explosive tantrums.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over the years, my own approach to
dealing with tantrums has changed and evolved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I agree with Dr. Bryson’s ideas about this, but I haven’t
always thought about it this way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At a previous point in my understanding, I’m sure that I advised parents
to ignore tantrums, or to let the child cry in their own room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember doing this with my own kids,
too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sorry, girls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I now see how this is much less
on-target in terms of how the brain works and how children develop. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So yes, I have to admit that hearing Dr.
Bryson discuss this was a squirmingly uncomfortable moment for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I still hold to one aspect of
my old, less-evolved point of view:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>sometimes parents CAN’T stay physically or emotionally present.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Real life has taught me that there are
moments when even the best parents can be pushed to a breaking point. If a
parent can’t handle one more moment of the screaming without becoming a
tantruming toddler themselves (don’t tell me you’ve never felt this way!) then
I think it’s best to remove yourself from the tantrum if you can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When it comes to parenting advice,
there’s always the “best case” scenario and the “worst case” scenario.
Sometimes we simply can’t do what the experts advise us to do, so we have to muddle
through the best we can. Certainly:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>it makes perfect sense to make every effort to be the strong, dependable
adult who can stay nearby, giving an upset child the important message that
their feelings are accepted, and they are loved no matter what. But when you
can’t, don’t immerse yourself in guilt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Apologize and try again next time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Parenting gives us LOTS of chances to try again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Most
other aspects of Dr. Bryson’s talk were pretty much in line with what I teach
to parents and students, which of course feels great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Honestly, no one likes a smug preschool teacher!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I can’t help feeling good about
being right sometimes.) However, it’s true confession time once again:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll admit that I was jealous of Dr.
Bryson’s ability to explain things in ways that are MUCH better than the
tongue-tied ways I often talk or write about these same topics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just wish I were as articulate and
smart as she is!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I’ll buy
her book and see if I can steal some of her ideas, and incorporate more of them
into my teaching. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">For
more excellent information about the brain and emotional development in
childhood, look at Dr. Bryson’s website or buy her book, The Whole Brain Child.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><a href="http://tinabryson.com/">http://tinabryson.com/</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Connect
Before You Direct</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Dr.
Larry Cohen was a fabulous keynote speaker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has some excellent ideas and a wonderful way of
explaining them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I completely
agree with his idea that guidance and discipline has to be based on a strong
and loving relationship between the adult and the child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also agree that at most of the
moments in life when it’s necessary for some reason to “direct” or “correct” a
child, it’s best to take a few seconds to connect emotionally with them first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This makes everything work better for
everyone concerned, and helps the child to be more ready to learn.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Beyond
“Use Your Words”.</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">One
of my “discomfort” moments came when Dr. Cohen discussed the old
preschool-teacher phrase, “Use Your Words.” “C’mon, give me a break!” he
said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“If they COULD have used
words, they WOULD have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if
they didn’t, then simply telling them to do it isn’t going to help.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure that I’ve used that term more
times than I would want to admit, although I like to think that I understand
the need for a wide range of teaching strategies when it comes to helping
children learn socially appropriate behavior. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Not
Puppies Or Pigeons.</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Fortunately,
Dr. Cohen confirmed my belief in my own wisdom when he said that adults can’t
stand the idea of doing anything that looks like it’s rewarding bad behavior,
so we often refrain from giving children the attention they need when they need
it the most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Kids aren’t trained
pigeons,” he said . I think I have used the word “puppies” in this context, but
he and I are definitely on the same page when it comes to the idea that human
development is MUCH more complex than cause/effect, or reward/punishment. When
training puppies or pigeons, you do have to think at a somewhat simplistic
level to understand the motivations of the animal. But with children,
individuals vary so widely from one another, and we have to take into account
so many other things such as temperament, ages and stages, prior experiences,
and family culture, that simplistic thinking doesn’t get us very far. Dr. Cohen
clarified this further by saying that giving the right kind of attention to an
upset child isn’t rewarding bad behavior, it’s solving the problem at its
source. I think this is brilliant, and will be quoting it often in
conversations with parents from now on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-“Parents
don’t have to be on the same page, but they need to be in the same book.”</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well said, Dr. Cohen!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Since I heard him say this last weekend, I’ve already stolen this astute
phrase as a way of talking about the differences of opinion or style that exist
within families. I’ve always knows that no two adults can be in complete
agreement about everything, and moms and dads need to be reassured that this is
ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But experience has taught me
that there are a few areas that require some sort of consensus in order for
co-parenting to be successful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dr.
Cohen’s simple sentence has given me a way to think about and talk about this
important topic with parents. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Dr.
Cohen has a lot more great ideas to share and some books that I’ll probably
want to read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s his website:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><a href="http://www.playfulparenting.com/">http://www.playfulparenting.com/</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Ok—that’s
all the True Confessions for now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now you know that “insecurity” and “need to be right” are two of my most
basic character flaws…… and if you know me at all, you’re probably aware of a
few more. I came home with many pages of notes from the conference last week,
and I appreciate the opportunity to share just a few of my insights with you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Learning
is awesome, whether it’s easy or uncomfortable. Writing this has reminded me that some of the most important
learning happens when we challenge our own thinking and step out of our cozy
cocoon of familiar knowledge.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-73076950918874919012012-01-19T17:14:00.000-08:002012-01-19T17:19:26.025-08:00<b>TEACHING TRUST</b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She jumps up on my lap, her ears flopping as she lays her
head down in the exact spot I wanted to rest my book. She gazes into my eyes
with love, and shows complete contentment. She’s stuck like glue. Gazing down at those brown eyes I have completely forgotten the "I-got-into-the-trash" incident and the "I forgot to potty outside" issue. I'm held prisoner by her sense of trust in me. No wonder I don’t get anything
done! Who wants to get up and do
laundry when you have a warm happy, trusting dog-friend on your lap! No wonder
so many people love dogs: they teach
us by example the joys of trust. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel certain that trust is the cornerstone of a
productive, happy life. We learn
to trust (or not) during the first year of life, and then spend the rest of our
lives either reinforcing or reversing that first learning. But in spite of the
importance of those early experiences, developing trust is an ongoing process,
and continues throughout our entire lives. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People who are able to trust others can build supportive
friendships, take reasonable risks to learn new things, and ask for help when
they need it. In general, they are able to weather the storms of life and live
their lives with optimism. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It seems to me that when early experiences make it harder
for some people to trust others, those people may find life a little harder to
navigate. It can be harder to make
and keep friends, and it can even be hard to trust yourself if you’ve developed
habits of being distrustful of others. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Here are some things parents can do to help their children
develop a healthy sense of trust:</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>-Be trustworthy.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Tell them when you’re leaving rather than sneaking away, and
try hard to be back when you say you will be. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>-Teach by example how to trust other people. Choose carefully the family members,
friends, teachers, and others that you feel you can trust, and then demonstrate
your trust in ways that your child can see it. You may trust a friend to
house-sit for you, and your child can see you handing the key to them and
thanking them for their help.
Don’t leave your child with ANYONE that you don’t trust, and when you do
leave, tell your child, “I know Teacher Annie (or Grandma or Aunt Sally or
Grandpa Joe) will take very good care of you until I get back.” </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>-Trust yourself.
Kids pick up on it when parents are constantly second-guessing
themselves. Work on your own self-confidence, so that you can show your child
what a self-confident adult looks like.
</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>-Trust your child.
When she is struggling to learn something new, you can say, “I know it’s
hard right now, but I trust that you can keep trying, and you will be able to
figure it out” When your toddler chooses to spend every day at preschool in the
sandbox playing with the same truck, remind yourself to trust that the child
and his developmental process is choosing the right activities at the right
time to support healthy brain growth.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>-Don’t place inappropriate trust in your child. Don’t expect that your five year old
will always remember to stay away from the busy street or leave the sharp
knives alone. Instead of putting
this responsibility on the child, make sure you always hold his hand in the
parking lot, and keep the knives locked up in a safe place. Having realistic
expectations for your child helps them learn to trust themselves and gives them
a sense of confidence and security. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>-When someone betrays your trust, remind yourself that an
overwhelming number of people in your life have proven to be worthy of your
trust. Avoid over-generalizing, and don’t base your view of the world on a few
undependable people.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think it’s very important to live with a sense of
gratitude. We should let our kids
hear us talking every day about the things and people that we’re thankful for. One thing near the top of my Gratitude List is my dogs,
because they are my best teachers when it comes to the important life lessons
of trust, living in the moment, and expressing gratitude. When I die, I think it would be great
to come back as a dog. Well, not
just any dog. I would want to be a
dog with an owner like me: a
person who always has a lap ready, and who always trusts me to be a Good Dog in
spite of all evidence to the contrary!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-42351459575747075822011-09-29T10:36:00.000-07:002011-09-29T10:36:26.496-07:00WHAT CAN I SAY?<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">This thing called “positive discipline” really does work. Most parents realize that a positive, respectful approach has great long-term benefits for their child because it builds self discipline and self esteem.</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">But putting positive discipline into practice in-the-moment isn’t easy. Many, many parents tell me they just forget what to say and do when they are tired, frustrated, or busy. For most of us, it takes deliberate practice. Having a sort of “script” to think about at first can help.</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">Certainly, you don’t want to use anyone else’s words all the time, because that won’t be YOU, and the most important thing you can give your children is yourself. But following positive examples is a good way to start. Perhaps the following examples will give you some ideas and starting points:</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Apple Casual';"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span">INSTEAD OF SAYING NO, TRY:</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></u></b></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">USING POSITIVE LANGUAGE</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“You can throw the ball </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span">outside</span></i></span><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">BEING A ROLE MODEL</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“Here. I’ll share this toy with you.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">SETTING FIRM BOUNDARIES WHEN NEEDED</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“I will not let you hurt other people.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">TEACHING SKILLS</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“Try asking your brother for a turn.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">PROVIDING OTHER WAYS OF COPING</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“Want to read a book with me while you’re waiting for a turn?”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">RESPECTING FEELINGS</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“I can tell that you are very upset right now.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">GIVING INFORMATION</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“Pets are animals that need a gentle touch.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">STAYING CLOSE WHEN NEEDED</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“I will be right here to help you play with your friends.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">GIVING APPROPRIATE CHOICES</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“Would you like to brush your teeth before your bath, or after?”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">OBSERVING, AND HELPING BEFORE A PROBLEM STARTS</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“I’ll help put some toys away so there’s more room to play.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">HELPING CHILDREN LEARN EMPATHY</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“I can see that both of you love doing puzzles!”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">POINTING OUT THE EMOTIONAL CUES OF OTHERS</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“When you look at his face, can you tell what he’s feeling?”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">PROVIDING MANY WAYS OF EXPRESSION</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“Would you like to draw a picture or build a sand sculpture about how sad you feel?”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">PROVIDING VOCABULARY</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“It looks like you might be feeling frustrated.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">UNDERSTANDING THAT CHILDREN NEED TO MOVE</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“Let’s run to the playground!”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">INVOLVING CHILDREN IN IMPORTANT JOBS</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“I need some help with these heavy water bottles!”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">PROVIDING COMFORT</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“You can sit here with me for awhile if you want.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">UNDERSTANDING A CHILD’S DEVELOPMENT</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“Mom and I are still eating but you’re finished. Would you like to be excused to play with your toys now?”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">BEING POLITE</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“Thank you for sharing your snack with me.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">OFFERING SIMPLE SENSORY AND ART EXPERIENCES EVERY DAY</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“It looks like working with the clay helped you feel better.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">BEING PATIENT- LEARNING TAKES TIME</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“I can tell that you are working hard to wait politely for a turn.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">ASKING OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“How could we make that work?”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">LETTING CHILDREN SOLVE PROBLEMS</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“What do you think we can do about this?”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">HAVING AGE-APPROPRIATE EXPECTATIONS</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><span class="Apple-style-span">“We’ll go shopping another day when you’re not tired.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><b><span class="Apple-style-span">HEY READERS:</span></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span">Add your own examples (and success stories) as comments below! I’d love to read them, and so would everyone else. We all learn from each other.</span></i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span">(THIS POST WAS FIRST PUBLISHED IN JANUARY OF 2010.)</span></i></span></div>
</div>
ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-70105215140992908792011-09-14T21:20:00.001-07:002011-09-14T21:49:36.298-07:00PRESCHOOL TO HIGH SCHOOL<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">Chatting
with the terrific moms in my Transitions parenting class has made me think
lately about the passage of time. There’s nothing like seeing my former
toddlers entering Kindergarten to remind me about the steady ticking of the
clock. </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">Hearing
about the trials and tribulations of the first few weeks of The Big
K from these new Kinder-moms is a great reminder about how <i>foundational</i> human development is. Everything that we experience today is built on the
foundation of all our yesterdays. And today we’re already working on the
foundation for tomorrow!</span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">Working on a lecture for my college level child development course, I found a research-based list of typical
thinking patterns that have been proven to be common to teenagers who get into
trouble. When I look at that list, it seems obvious that the first
ingredient for a happy and healthy teenager is a happy, healthy preschooler. </span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">Even though some of our recent preschool graduates are going through some adjustments right now as they get used to Kindergarten, I know that eventually they will be just fine. The positive, affirming experiences of preschool provide a solid foundation for just the kinds of challenges those new
Kindergarteners are facing today as they’re getting used to the demands of
big-kid-school. I hope their parents will have faith in that sturdy
developmental infrastructure through the inevitable challenges their children will face in the next few years. But it’s probably even more important to understand that in 8, 10, or 12 years,
these children will <i>still </i></span><span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">be building on all of that early
learning. </span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">Here’s
an item from that Aggressive Adolescents list:</span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;"><i>-Aggressive
adolescents tend to have a narrow view of ways to solve problems. </i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">According
to this research, when teens don’t know how to solve problems, they resort to
aggression. Even the smallest conflict can quickly escalate to violence, simply
because the kids lack the skills needed to handle things
peacefully. </span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">What
is the first thing we start learning on Day One in Teacher Annie’s toddler
classes? Problem solving, of course. “I see you both want the same
truck. What can you do about that? I can help you find another one, or
ask your friend for a turn.” “Oops, the water spilled. How can we clean
it up?” Incidentally, today actually <i>was</i></span><span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;"> Day One, and yes, that’s exactly what we talked
about over and over and over. And I LOVE it! Sometime I should try
to count exactly how many opportunities for problem-solving lessons naturally
arise in the course of a typical morning in my two year old class. I’m sure
that each child must encounter dozens of them in our two hours of living,
working, and playing together. </span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">Problem
solving is the cornerstone of early childhood curriculum, and any preschool
teacher who’s worth their “big salary” understands that. Thankfully do not
outgrow those lessons they way they outgrow shoes, and the most important
lessons don’t get lost in the “inner space” of teenage brains. They’re in
there. They have become part of the hard-wiring, the structure of
the brain. Good parents and good teachers can work together to make sure
that important lessons from early childhood are reinforced all along the way.</span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">Another
example from that rather alarming Aggressive Adolescents list:</span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;"><i>Teens
who engage in aggressive behaviors show little capacity for empathy, or seeing
things from another person’s point of view.</i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">Again,
what better place to begin learning empathy than preschool? Today in my
2’s class, I observed many, many examples of our “Empathy 101” curriculum
in action. For example, I saw dozens of signs of real learning and growth
in the few minutes I was helping my little newbies meet Freckles The School
Bunny for the first time, “What did Freckles tell you when you poked him just
now? See how he moved away from you? What do you think he wants you
to know?”quickly led to “I see Freckles has moved close to you now. And I see
that you’re petting him gently. How do you think Freckles feels
now?” It’s one life lesson after another, all day every day in
preschool. These lessons are always individualized so they can exactly
meet the current developmental path of each child. This way, the learning sinks
in deeply and permanently. It becomes a part of them.</span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">Take
a look at these other items from The List, and then think about what your child
learns in preschool every day:</span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;"><i>Aggressive
and at-risk adolescents:</i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;"><i>-have
little or no attachment or sense of belonging</i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;"><i>-are
unable to think in advance about consequences of their behavior</i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;"><i>-do
not engage in critical thinking skills, often leading to aggression based on
illogical or incomplete information</i></span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;"><i> </i></span><span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">It's not hard to see how
appropriate preschool experiences can prevent a lifetime of problems.</span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">So
don’t waste too much time fretting about the future. Try to enjoy every
minute with your little ones. Realize that the time, thought, and effort
that you and your preschool teachers are investing now will serve your children
well for the rest of their lives.</span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">It’s
true: </span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;">A
happy childhood can last a lifetime!</span><span style="font-family: Times-Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: AvantGarde-Book;"><br /></span><br />
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ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-86605808241541458762011-09-07T21:50:00.000-07:002011-09-07T21:55:50.052-07:00THE GENIUS OF TODDLERS<br />
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Meeting some of my new 2 year olds today at school today reminded me all over again about one of the reasons why I absolutely love toddlers and two's: their brains are growing at an incredible rate. One aspect of brain development involves forming an intricate network of neural connections in response to experiences. This is the toddler's specialty! All the action is triggered by sensory information. Each one of a toddler's five senses is on high alert every minute. Each day is a heroic quest to accumulate sensory experiences which will lead to an ever-increasing understanding of the world. </div>
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More neural connections are being formed in the brain when you are one and two years old than at any other time in your life. Think about it: a large part of your own brain architecture was created when you were so young that you probably don't even consciously remember your experiences. I think this is why my two's take their work and their play so seriously: they're in the process of designing a brain structure that will be allow for a lifetime of learning. And to think that all of this learning and growth is initiated through the five senses! Fascinating! </div>
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Some of the toddler sensory exploration I observed today at preschool:</div>
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-L. was pushing the doll stroller around the room and creating challenges for himself along the way. At one point he tried to push the stroller up over the threshold to go outside, and worked very hard to learn just how much he had to lift the wheels to get it over the bump. L. was combining information from his eyes, his hands, his feet, and his ears, and using that information to solve a self-chosen problem. Fabulous expression of triumph on that little face when he succeeded!</div>
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-Z. is very familiar with the preschool environment. When he walked into the beloved preschool play-yard he was apparently disconcerted to find that some water-pipe construction had torn up a part of the garden. Upon seeing the pile of dirt and the caution tape, he evidently compared that with the prior visual information about preschool that he already had "on file" in his brain, and wasn't thrilled with the discrepancy. His mom told me when he saw the mess, his comment was, "Ya gotta be kidding me!" Ha! This cracks me up, because although I've known Z. for about a year, so far, I've never heard him say more than 2 or 3 words at a time! The impact of this visual image prompted his brain to use very elaborate language to express himself.</div>
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-P. was fascinated with the pretend-kitchen, and in particular, the pretend-microwave. He spent a lot of time putting toy food into the microwave, shutting the door, and pushing the pretend buttons. While engaging in this activity, he was extremely focused and calm. When other children (probably equally enthralled with the prospect of microwaving stuff like mom and dad) came near, he became unhappy and a look of distress could be seen on his face. Clearly, he was worried because he felt a very strong need to continue this activity until he felt "done" (meaning: he had maximized his learning from the activity,) and the approach of other children threatened his ability to complete his self-appointed learning task. Multiply this example times a thousand, and you can get an idea of what life is like every day in a toddler classroom! Most of the inevitable toddler conflicts (I call them social learning opportunities) arise from the urgent internal drive to complete a sensory learning task. </div>
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-R. and her big brother went into the bathroom to wash their hands. I encouraged the brother to climb up on the step stool and wash his hands with her, because I knew that big brothers are intensely observed by little sisters, and are often the most important role models of all. R. observed, wide-eyed, as brother soaped, scrubbed and rinsed his hands, then followed his lead, exactly imitating the actions she had just watched him doing. Big smile! Then walking away, she made a great effort to mimic his big-boy swagger, as well! </div>
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-Today the pretend-kitchen was, as always, a popular and busy part of our classroom. F. was busy with the dishes, and I suddenly saw an "I've got an idea!" look on his face. Then he started supplying sound-effects as he poured and sipped imaginary tea. This was quite interesting to other children and several joined him in his noisy tea party. Many senses combined to make this a fascinating moment for F. and a few friends. Lots of learning about friendship, pretend-play, cause/effect, and much more!</div>
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-B. said the white crayon was "broken, " because she couldn't see the marks it made as she scribbled on the white paper. I gave her a piece of black paper to experiment with and she tested the white crayon on the black paper, and then tried several other colors, comparing the results. I observed an "Aha!" expression on her face as she figured out this interesting problem. Priceless!</div>
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All this and much, much more happened today at our Meet The Teacher Day classroom visits. You can almost hear the crackling and popping as the synapses formed! And this is just our first day. Wait 'til these kiddos see what I have planned for their growing brains next week! </div>
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ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-85214371482017987472011-08-28T09:06:00.001-07:002011-08-28T09:18:40.523-07:00GASPING FOR AIR<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> “Be sure to secure your own oxygen mask
before assisting others.” You hear it every time you fly, right? And it
makes sense: if you didn’t put on your oxygen mask, you would be useless
to help anyone around you in an airplane emergency. But even worse, you could
be a burden, a hindrance. Your unconscious, inert body could actually
block the way and keep other people from getting out of the plane safely. So if
those masks ever drop from the ceiling, it’s a no-brainer to most of us that we
should put our own mask on first, then help our kids or other people with
theirs. But….. I’m sure I’m not the first person to see the obvious
analogy. I’m sure you have, too, right? Let me explain. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Right
now I’m sitting in my mom’s hospital room, trying to provide help, care, and
loving company to her while she struggles with several different ailments. And
it occurs to me that this oxygen-mask advice makes sense emotionally, as well. I’m finally learning that when I don’t take care of myself, I
can have a negative impact on those around me. In all kinds of
relationships, it’s a good idea to “secure your own e</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">motional oxygen” </span></i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> in order to be available to
nurture those who depend on you. When we always put other people’s needs first
while consistently ignoring our own, we are asking for trouble. <o:p></o:p></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">No one can be ok all the time, but I’m beginning to understand that I do have a responsibility to try to increase my ok-ness whenever I can. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">It
seems to me that parents of young kids are at great risk for doing this. Of course it's true that parenting involves sacrifice. Lots of it. It’s just the way it is,
and people who aren’t willing to accept this often make lousy parents. When you
have kids, especially when they’re very young, it’s a given that your needs and
wants will go on the back burner, at least for a number of years. Kids are
totally worth it, but there’s no denying that they take priority over
everything else. However, it’s
important to figure out which of your own needs are so basic to you that they
could be classified as “emotional oxygen,” and then work to make sure you take
care of those needs. Otherwise, both you and your kids will suffer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> Looking
back, I realize that I most certainly didn’t quite get this twenty years ago
when I was in the middle of raising little kids. I can see now that some of my
difficulties and bad parenting moments were the result of being deprived of the
emotional oxygen that I needed in order to function at my best. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">In my
case, one of the most basic things that I needed when my kids were little was
alone-time. Having a little time on a regular basis to zone out or actually complete a thought for a change would have
made a big difference, but I didn’t get it very often. I had been raised by a
very selfless, devoted mom who never put herself first. I'm so lucky to have such a loving mother who poured her heart into her kids. However, having this role model
made it almost impossible to see self-care as an option when my kids were
really little. When Emily and Audra were toddlers, I often found myself melting down
unexpectedly and being emotionally volatile, which I don’t tend to be by
nature. In retrospect, I understand why. My head was spinning with kid-stuff
all the time, with no time to think.
I still remember how it felt, and I can still conjure up the crazy
feelings and headaches that were my almost-constant reality during that time.
Being deprived of solitude may not be a problem for some people, but for me it
was a nightmare. Marlin was already working extremely hard to support us,
as well as pitching in a lot when he was at home. It seemed that he was
already as maxed out as I was so I didn’t feel I had a right to complain or ask
for even more help. We were on a fairly tight budget, having just moved to
California from the much-more-affordable Midwest, and we couldn’t afford luxuries
like babysitting very often.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">It wasn’t until the kids were
a little older that I realized how much it would have helped to have a bit of
me-time to look forward to on a regular basis. There would have been fewer
mommy-meltdowns and I could have made better parenting decisions. I still
remember how awful I felt each time I raised my voice at my kids, and I still
remember how they often asked me if I as happy, anxiously scanning my facial
expression for signs of stress.
Poor little things: they
really did absorb my stress and exhaustion. If I had realized that my unmet need for a little bit of
down-time was impacting people other than just myself, I probably would have
found ways to take care of myself a little better. For example, I could
have tried a little harder to work out reasonable kid-trading and babysitting arrangements with other
moms on a regular basis. I did some of that but it was sporadic
because I didn’t realize the importance of it, and it took effort to plan. With
just a little more up-front effort, I could have built in a little more
sanity-time, and prevented passing on my stress to my little girls. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">While
struggling with my mom’s health problems lately I’ve had to remind myself
frequently of these important lessons. Caring for an ill and aging parent isn’t
all that different from parenting young children. In both contexts, It’s
hard not to give in to the strong urge to forget about myself while focusing on
the immediate and urgent needs of others. So I am trying to deliberately remind
myself to get out of this hospital room several times a day, get fresh air,
take walks, immerse myself in a good book, and take other kinds of breaks when
I can. Even writing this blog post has given me a refreshing breath of
emotional oxygen during this difficult time. Thankfully, starting our new year at
preschool next week, with the opportunity to meet my new group of toddlers and their parents will definitely be therapeutic for me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">What is
your emotional oxygen? The next time you ignore a strong basic need of your own
in order meet some “wants” of your kids, think about it. Every day in the life
of a family is full of little emergencies as well as the occasional Major
Disaster. But there are always opportunities for self-care if we really look
for them. It’s important to remember that no one will do this for
you. Even the most sensitive and loving partners or friends can’t see
what you are feeling and fix it for you: it’s your job to do that.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">My advice: secure
your own emotional oxygen before assisting others. Otherwise, you will be
of no assistance to anyone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-89414681863516224502011-08-23T16:21:00.000-07:002011-08-23T16:21:02.011-07:00Transition Support Group Starts Next Week!<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Avant Garde'; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde"; font-size: 8.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde"; font-size: 8.0pt;">Teacher
Annie’s Transition Support Group<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde"; font-size: 8.0pt;">For
parents of children in kindergarten and beyond.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde"; font-size: 8.0pt;">Tuesdays
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde"; font-size: 8.0pt;">9:30-11:30<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde"; font-size: 8.0pt;">At
Explorer, Room 11<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde"; font-size: 8.0pt;">15
sessions: August 30-December 6, 2011<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde"; font-size: 8.0pt;">$150
per family<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde"; font-size: 8.0pt;">Moving
into the world of elementary school can be a bit daunting….. for parents. No
doubt about it:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the children are
always ready for big changes before we are! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde"; font-size: 8.0pt;">Your
children don’t need a support group:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>they’ll already be finding that on the playground and at their lunch
table! But if you’re looking for help as you navigate these new waters, this
group is for you. We’ll talk about issues related to being parents of
school-agers, as well as discuss the development of children ages 5-8. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde"; font-size: 8.0pt;">Preschool
parents have already learned the value of parent-support, so there’s no reason
this has to end now that preschool is just a fond memory! We all </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Avant Garde'; font-size: 11px;">still need support,
information,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and connection with
other parents.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde"; font-size: 8.0pt;">Tell
your friends:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>anyone is welcome.
(Not limited to Explorer families.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Avant Garde"; font-size: 8.0pt;">To
register, contact Annie Deckert<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->
ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-60875196468543751332011-08-15T18:34:00.000-07:002011-08-15T18:34:29.947-07:00NOT GETTING AWAY FROM IT ALL<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Marlin and I look forward to our relaxing camping getaway
every summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re sitting under
the tall trees reading and chatting, thinking about starting dinner, when new
neighbors arrive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A minivan pulls
into the empty campsite next to us. (Let's call them Family A.) Mom and Dad start getting organized, while
a four year old boy and a six year old girl check out their surroundings.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here are some bits of conversation that I overheard:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>DAD: Hey come help me set up the tent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here hold this for a minute, ok? Let’s
pick a good spot for the tent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>4-YEAR OLD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ummmhhh, over there!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(Points to an uneven spot with lots of bumpy tree roots.)<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>DAD: Well, that might be a little bit bumpy for the
tent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How about over here, where
it’s smooth and flat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do ya
think?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>4-YEAR OLD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ok! <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>DAD: You decide which way we should make the door
face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
way we can see the campfire from the tent doorway.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>4-YEAR OLD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Are we gonna build a fire right now?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>DAD: Later we’ll work on it. Maybe when it’s getting
dark. Ok, you take this corner and give the other corner to your sister.
Right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now you can each take one
tent pole and put it together like this. Good!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, it’s big but you can handle it. Remember how we did it
last night at the other campground? Now- do you see where it goes through the
loop? <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>6-YEAR-OLD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ll hold this end and we can do it together, ok?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>DAD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Teamwork!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love it!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>4-YEAR OLD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mom!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why aren’t you giving
me milk?!?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>MOM: Are you thirsty?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Help yourself to some water if you like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m making a quick dinner right
now, and you can have milk in a few minutes if you still want it. I could use
some help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would you like to set
out the silverware, or put these carrots in a bowl? <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>DAD: Tent’s all set up! I’m glad I had helpers. Tents are
hard to set up alone. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>SIX-YEAR-OLD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mom, look!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I climbed!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I climbed as high as I could!!! <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>MOM:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wow-
that IS high. I remember when you were too little to do that, and now you can
climb way higher than your head!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>4-YEAR OLD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I need to go pee!!!!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>MOM:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Remember where it is?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
can go by yourself if you want to. It’s so close I can watch you walk there
while I’m cooking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>SIX-YEAR-OLD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ll go with him!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>MOM:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Thanks!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your brother will
probably like the company.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask
him!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>FOUR-YEAR-OLD: Yeah, come with me, and let’s pretend
we’re hikers lost in the woods! <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>MOM:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Dinner’s ready—I hope the “lost hikers” hurry up and get found so we can
eat while it’s hot!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There will be
plenty of time to run and climb between dinner and bedtime. How does that
taste?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll bet you’re hungry from
all the fresh air and all the exercise! I know I am!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>SIX-YEAR-OLD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Let’s go on a hike after dinner!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We can find the perfect walking sticks first, then explore!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>DAD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whew-
I’m tired, but I think you’re right:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>a short hike would be fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just give me a few minutes to rest first, ok?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh dear……even though I’m on vacation, I’m in
Teacher-Annie-Mode anyway, as usual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can’t help thinking about what an excellent example of Positive Discipline
this family is demonstrating. Mom and Dad must be tired:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a camping trip with little kids?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Exhausting. I remember it well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But they seem calm and happy, and so do
the children. They are fully connected to their beautiful surroundings, and
enjoying being together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What a contrast from the other family I eavesdropped on
yesterday. Let's call them Family B. Here are some tidbits:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>MOM: Don’t go so far away—I’ve told you a million times.
You’ll get lost in the woods and eaten by bears. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>FIVE-YEAR-OLD-GIRL:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No I won’t!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s boring over
here. You never let me do anything. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>MOM: Don’t touch that:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it’s dirty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why
can’t you just play and leave me alone so I can cook dinner?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m tired enough without you making
everything harder. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>FIVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m Dora!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You be Diego!
C’mon! <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>SEVEN-YEAR-OLD-BOY:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No, Diego doesn’t climb trees. And that stuff is just for babies like
you, anyway!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>FIVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mom!!!! He’s calling me names!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>SEVEN-YEAR-OLD BOY: I just said she’s a baby because
she’s acting like one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
now she’s climbing again! <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>DAD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get
down from there:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you’re not
allowed to climb trees, and you know it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>FIVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I want a soda!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>MOM:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t
bug Dad right now:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you know how he
gets when he’s trying to set up the tent!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>FIVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I want a soda!!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>MOM: No soda right now. Leave me alone:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m cooking dinner! We’ll never get to
eat if you keep interrupting me.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>FIVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I WANT A SODA!!!!!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>DAD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
does it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No more soda for you for
the rest of the day. You’ve had enough anyway. That’s why you’re acting like a
brat. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>MOM:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lord
help me….. Why did I think this trip was a good idea? They’re just as bad as
they are at home, only worse because there’s nothing to keep them entertained.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>FIVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So-DA!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So-DA! So-DA!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>SEVEN-YEAR-OLD-BOY:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Dad, she’s bugging me with all the screaming. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>DAD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Listen.
Stop the whining. If you don’t stop messing around and bugging us you’re gonna
have a time-out. Ok- let’s have a contest:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>whoever can be quiet for the longest gets to have the first
marshmallow later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>MOM:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Here:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>just sit down and
watch this movie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>DAD:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shoulda
thought of the movie earlier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good
thing we brought the DVD player. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>MOM:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank
God for technology.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Big difference, isn’t it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But why is Family A able to handle regular every-day
kid-stuff in a positive way, while everything is so hard for Family B? </div>
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Here are some things that Family A did well, and Family B
did poorly:</div>
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-Involving the children in the work of the family (even
though setting up a tent with little “helpers” actually takes longer…..)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-Encouraging teamwork</div>
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-Responding to children’s needs and wants</div>
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-Setting limits when appropriate </div>
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-Encouraging independence and confidence</div>
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-Role-modeling cooperation and encouraging teamwork</div>
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-Teaching the children how to enjoy the outdoors, by setting
an example</div>
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-Encouraging imaginative play and physical activity.</div>
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-Demonstrating respect for each other</div>
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-Giving up on perfectionism</div>
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Family B’s approach was almost directly opposite, and the
end result is conflict, bad feelings, bickering, impatience, exhaustion, and a
very miserable atmosphere. (Not to mention all the negative things the children
are learning…..)</div>
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And, as you may have guessed, I’m quite unimpressed with the
way Family B fell back on turning on a movie for the kids. They’re out in the
woods! Chipmunks, trees, rocks, sky, bugs……<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>everything a kid could possibly need!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How can they think it’s a good
idea to distract kids from nature by parking them in front of a movie they’ve
seen a dozen times already???? Don’t get me started….. I can’t help but wonder
if many of the negative behaviors on the part of the kids AND parents in Family
B have their origins in too many hours spent in front of the tv at home. And
these kids probably watched movies in the car all day on the way to the
campground, so no wonder they’re crabby!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m doubtful that these parents have ever interrupted their important
tv-viewing schedule with a parenting book, a parenting class, or a parenting blog.
I had to wonder how the Family B parents would respond if they were ever
exposed to positive discipline concepts. Would they embrace it and start
learning the skills, or would they reject the ideas, saying it’s too much work?</div>
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I wonder if Family A is always functions this well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I doubt it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s no such thing as Super Parents,
and real life brings plenty of problems and frustrations. But it was obvious
that although thinking in positive ways takes effort, these parents were
actually finding it a lot <i>easier</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> to camp
with kids than the other family. Making the effort to learn and practice
positive discipline skills makes family life easier and happier in the long
run. </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
When my kids were young, I remember being in Family-B-Mode
way too much, even though I was beginning to know better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish I could have managed more
Family-A-Moments, but oh well…..I was trying pretty hard, doing my best most of the time, and learning a
lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lot of parenting comes down
to just doing the best you can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But even the occasional good-parent-moment is worth the effort. Success
builds on success, and every time we do well in our attempts to use positive
discipline, we’re laying the groundwork for another successful moment down the
road.</div>
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I wonder how Marlin and I will do someday, the first time we take our
future grandkids camping. I hope I’ll manage to be a bit more like Family A
than Family B.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s so much more
fun to be positive.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But listen, Emily and Audra: no hurry on that grandkid thing, ok?</div>
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ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-73422011379080434422011-03-06T15:10:00.000-08:002011-03-06T15:17:18.803-08:00BASIC TRANSPORTATION<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 24px;"> </span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Click! Whew….. You finally got your squirming toddler and your newborn baby strapped into their car seats. So now what? Is a ride just transportation, or is it something more? Is taking your children places in the car just an annoying chore? Or is it a rich opportunity to build your relationship with your children, and to enjoy watching them grow and develop? </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I remember driving my mom crazy in the car, but it was different then. When I was little, it was still the dark ages before car seats. My brother and I made car trips into an athletic activity: </span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">we joyfully climbed back and forth over the seats, did handstands, stretched out in the back window, hung out the window as far as we could until Mom made us stop, rolled around on the floor and held wrestling tournaments on the way to Grandma's house. I actually think I remember experimenting with crawling up onto the dashboard and begging my mom to let me make the trip to the store stretched out up there. As I recall, this elicited one of Mom's signature Exasperated Sighs. Needless to say, our kids today cannot engage in such active play in the car, so how can we help them deal with spending so much time sitting still? </span></o:p></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What is happening in the brains of our infants, toddlers, and preschoolers when they are driving around with us? </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">If you took a minute to add up how many hours your child will spend in the car before his or her sixth</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> birthday, you would be surprised. We put a lot of miles on our kids in their early years, even when we’re just hauling them around the neighborhood. It makes me wonder: are family vehicles just a place for kids to vegetate until we get there? Or is it more like a fascinating preschool classroom, well-equipped with everything needed to deliver a broad and deep curriculum, geared toward assisting growing brains?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Let’s think about some of the learning that happens in the car, whether on long road trips or on our everyday commute.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">-</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">LOOKING.</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">When you’re a toddler or a young preschooler, everything in the world is fascinating, and your brain is primed and ready to use every piece of data it can absorb. All of the interesting things children see out the window as they ride in a car offer many learning opportunities. Observation skills are sharpened, and curiosity begins to grow. Visual stimulation enhances children’s ability to perceive colors, shapes, and familiar objects, at increasingly advanced levels as their visual perception naturally matures.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">-PERCEPTION. Think about how our amazing brains manage to handle tricky phenomena such as depth perception, distance, and the ways objects look from varying points of view. All this high-level super-computing in our brain began while we were very young, and a large part of it may have been stimulated by riding in the car and seeing how things look as they come closer and go farther away. When children have many opportunities to practice focusing their eyes on objects very close to them inside the car, and then quickly changing their depth of field to focus on far-away objects outside of the car, they are strengthening their eyes for later reading and school tasks. <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">-PEOPLE AND PLACES. Observing homes and neighborhoods of various types gives children an early start in the Social Sciences. One of the earliest Social Studies concepts taught in most classrooms is about Homes and Neighborhoods. On routine trips in the car, children see that some homes look like theirs, while others are different. They also internalize the idea that all of us share a need for shelter. Everyone lives somewhere. This is one more way that children can slowly decentralize their thinking and gradually work toward understanding the world in a less ego-centric way. <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">-NAVIGATION. Places exist in geographic relation to each other. This isn’t as obvious as you might think: children have to learn this through experience. As families travel familiar routes in the car over and over, children internalize a sense of directionality and geographical orientation. Not everyone finds it easy to learn where North is, or which way is Left. I know plenty of adults who can get lost right in their own neighborhoods, but at least learning that There is not Here is a good start! The geniuses who developed your favorite GPS software began their mapmaking careers as babies in strollers or back seats, gradually learning what’s-where in their own neighborhoods.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">-SELF-CONTROL. Self regulation is the ability to cope with our emotions. We start working on self-regulation when we’re born, and gradually developing it is one of the central tasks of childhood. Travel offers children many opportunities to work on self-regulation, and many rewards when they manage to make progress. Learning to wait is just plain hard. But people who don’t have a chance to work on this in age-appropriate ways in early childhood may struggle with self-regulation as they get older. In the car, children can learn to cope with boredom by creating games for themselves, watching for interesting things out the window, talking to themselves or family members, creating imaginary worlds in their heads, or singing songs. Even when it’s very hard to sit still in the car seat, children find the rewards of self-regulation in the car to be very affirming and empowering. Children develop a strong sense of self-sufficiency as they learn internal ways to avoid being overwhelmed by waiting.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">-TALKING. A great deal of language and social skills can be developed in the car, as adults and children have conversations about what they see. Even infants are absorbing the sounds of language and beginning to connect them with the concrete objects that they represent. Research shows that children whose parents talk with them a lot in their first five years have higher IQ’s, higher levels of healthy attachment and emotional development, and do better in school later on. Besides, it’s great practice for later, when your kids become teenagers. Parents of teens will tell you that their kids are more likely to talk to them when “held prisoner” in the car, than at any other time. <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">-OLD AND NEW. Children’s brains crave both novelty and familiarity, for very specific reasons. Seeing brand new sights while traveling down an unfamiliar highway may give a growing brain the chance to create new neural pathways, while driving the same street to school each day allows existing neural pathways to become increasingly myelinated. Myelination makes frequently used parts of the brain’s wiring efficient and permanent. <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">-TIME. The ability to perceive the passage of time, and to anticipate the future and remember the past is an important part of human functioning. In the car, children experience time passing, and gradually learn to measure it in internal and external ways. This is true on a small scale, such as when children become familiar with how long it takes to drive to preschool, but it also happens on a much larger scale, as children observe this route throughout all seasons of the year. Seeing the trees change color and the weather change over time gives a growing brain a lot to reflect on. Conversations between parents and children about “how long,” “how far” and “what’s next” help to deepen this learning. <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">All this is just a small fraction of the learning and growth that can happen during all those thousands of hours your kids will spend in the car. And amazingly, it doesn't really take a lot of work or participation on your part. It's up to the child to figure it out, but of course when a video is flipped on the minute the car starts, kids don't learn any of those skills. I’ll leave it up to you to compare the rich experiences described above to what kids learn when they are plugged into videos and gaming devices instead of looking out the window and entertaining themselves. It’s tempting to use gadgets to make car trips more peaceful, because children certainly do become quiet little zombies when an electronic device is doing their thinking for them. Brain growth can be noisy, complicated, and annoying at times. But it’s also exciting and rewarding, for both parents and children. Toddlers and preschoolers who are used to riding in the car “unplugged” are gradually growing into very smart people who will someday be great travel companions.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">You can’t do anything about the price of gas or the tailgating habits of the driver behind you. But you do have the power to make sure the hours your kids spend in the car are accomplishing something more worthwhile than the ability to recite every word of Toy Story 3. Yeah, just like at home, it can be </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">easier</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> to just flip on a video, but it’s not </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">better.</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Say NO to electronic entertainment in the car, and say YES to smarter and happier kids!</span></span><o:p></o:p></div></span>ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-4536561435535843262011-02-01T22:58:00.000-08:002011-02-01T22:58:18.550-08:00WAITING FOR PO<!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Children deserve parents who think. They <i>don’t</i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> need parents who are perfect, or who have all the answers. (What a burden that would be! Please don’t saddle your kids with perfect parents- what a nightmare.) But I think families really thrive when parents put some thought into carefully considering at least some of their day-to-day parenting choices, rather than letting chance or whims dictate the family’s direction. And it seems even more important that parents are willing to challenge their own thinking from time to time, and look at things from an entirely new point of view. In parenting, mental effort counts for a lot.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">These were my thoughts a few minutes ago, while driving home from tonight’s fascinating talk at my preschool by Po Bronson, the author of the best-selling book, Nurture Shock. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Wow- Po Bronson speaking at Explorer Preschool! What an event this was for a little school like ours. We have been waiting breathlessly for Po’s visit since last summer when our Parent Ed. Chair-mom, Katie, somehow used her magical powers to persuade him to speak at our school. And let me tell you: it was worth the wait. Po was amazing. Even with our break-time cookies calling to us from the other room, and babysitters turning into pumpkins, no one wanted his talk to end. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Some comments I heard from parents, and from the mentor teachers and college instructors that were also in attendance:<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i>-How can he know so much, remember so much, and recall all that information so easily? <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i>-He’s able to explain complicated concepts in a way that’s easy to understand. This is not the case with most people who are as brilliant as he is! <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i>-How can he know so much, remember so much, and have all that information on the tip of his tongue?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i>-I feel good about my parenting after hearing him, even though I now think I need to make a couple of changes. Some experts just make me feel like a crappy parent, and I don’t need that- I feel bad enough already about all my mistakes.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i>-He’s one of us! He’s just a dad, and he understands what it’s like to be a parent like me. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i>-I can’t wait to read some of his other books and articles!<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i>-He was so much fun to listen to—I lost track of time.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i>-Everything he said made me love our preschool even more. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i>-It’s hard to change your mind about things that you’ve always thought were right, but when Po explains why another viewpoint is better, it makes a lot of sense to me.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i>-I’m going to ask my spouse to read this. And I think I’ll buy a copy for my nanny too. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i>-This is giving me a lot to think about.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i>-I really hope he continues writing about child development topics.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><i>-He really cares about this stuff, and it shows.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">We can’t all have a Po-chip implanted in our brains, ready to call up and analyze the research data to make sure that our every decision is right. In fact, I’ll bet that even Po finds that chip a little hard to access at times. (Maybe we should discuss this with his wife….!) But most of us can think about what he talked about tonight, read or re-read Nurture Shock, and maybe discuss it with friends at our Aprll Book Club evening. That’s perfectly good enough. Just a little thoughtful effort can help us all be better parents and teachers.<o:p></o:p></span></div><!--EndFragment-->ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-1985057752248648592011-01-30T12:45:00.000-08:002011-01-30T12:45:33.957-08:00OVER THEIR HEADS?<!--StartFragment--> <br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Will kids be affected by things they don’t understand? Or will these things just go “over their heads” and float away harmlessly? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Is it ok to watch CNN or an R-rated movie when your toddler or preschooler is in the room? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What harm can it do for school-age kids to watch teen-oriented shows? After all, they don’t understand all the sexual innuendo and sexually-charged messages anyway, right? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Infants don't even</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> notice what’s happening around them, do they? How could watching a violent movie or tv show while nursing your infant be a problem? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If adults talk about “adult things” or use “adult words” while kids are present, it’s ok as long as the kids don’t know what they are talking about, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If they don’t understand it, it’s not a problem, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Wrong. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Children of all ages absorb much more than adults realize, and many things they are exposed to at young ages can create stress and anxiety for them. From birth, babies and children begin a process called “social referencing.” Every second, they are looking at and listening to the people around them, to gradually form the basis for their view of the world. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the early months of life, this social referencing is mostly in the form of sensory input, feelings, and impressions, because babies’ receptive language takes time to develop. They don’t know what your words mean when they are newborns, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t receiving clear messages from your tone of voice, your actions, and the general atmosphere around them. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At a few weeks of age, babies begin to zero in on the facial expressions of the people that are important to them, and very quickly they put those expressions together in their minds with other emotional clues to read your feelings by looking at your face. And when a baby or young child sees negative emotions on the face of his or her caregivers, the baby has no choice but to think that the distress is somehow related to them. This is because of the normal developmental ego-centrism of this age. If you’re upset or angry, the baby is likely to think it’s about them, because in infancy, babies experience EVERYTHING as being about them. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As children grow, this social referencing becomes more sophisticated. They watch us to learn how to respond to problems, to pain, to joy, to the feelings of other people, and to life in general. This process continues for a very long time, and perhaps it even continues into adulthood. My adult daughters have shown me that they are still very sensitive to me and their dad, and are very much affected by our emotions, or their perceptions of them. And I have to admit that I’m still very in-tune with my 80-year-old mom, and often still catch myself observing her to see how I should respond to something, just as I did when I was a kid. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So what does all this have to do with TV shows, movies, newscasts, video games, music, and other aspects of media exposure? If you look at it from the children’s viewpoint it’s pretty simple. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When a baby hears gunshots, explosions, and cries of anger and aggression coming from the soundtrack of your Friday night Netflix choice, and then they see your face registering no surprise or concern, it can give the baby the message that hurting people is of no consequence. Or if they see that you are distressed by these sounds and images, they can become anxious about your feelings, and often feel responsible for your distress.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When a child watches a movie intended for much older people, with complex emotional themes and complicated relationships, they are confronted with emotions that they are not yet equipped to deal with, so they may shut down and ignore those feelings. But the feelings don’t completely go away, so the child can be left with under-the-surface questions and anxieties which are not appropriate for their stage of development. And worse, they usually do not even have the language or experience they need to be able to express their need for help. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When kids of any age are allowed to watch or to play violent video games, no matter what our words may say about “we do not hurt people,” our actions of playing and condoning the hurtful actions on the screen speak much louder than those words. We expose kids to violence in many, many ways, and then we wonder why they push or hit a playmate at school. The connection is obvious when you think about it, but many adults do not see it. Or don't WANT to see it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The problem is that we adults want what we want when we want it. We want to be able to watch movies, listen to the news, play games, or engage in other activities, and we want to believe it’s ok if our kids are “too young to get it.” But the thing is: kids are NEVER too young to “get it,” and as parents we have to put some of our own needs on hold at times to accommodate a child’s needs. Wait until they’re in bed to watch your movie or play your game. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Be sensitive to the social referencing that is such an intense part of growing up. And let your kids take their time growing into their understanding of the world. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nothing goes “over their heads,” so that’s why WE, the adults, have to use ours. </span></div><!--EndFragment-->ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-16636301576900157992011-01-06T17:36:00.000-08:002011-01-06T17:36:15.374-08:00IT'S ALREADY A HAPPY NEW YEAR!<!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I absolutely love January at preschool. I love it so much that right after New Year's, I never mind leaving behind the decadence of a holiday break spent sitting on the couch with my dogs watching movies and eating sweets in my jammies. In fact, I really look forward to school starting again, even though it includes getting up early and being a grown-up again. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why is it that children have amazing developmental spurts every year at this time? I have come to look forward to seeing amazing things in January at preschool, and I’m never disappointed. It’s so much fun seeing children growing into themselves, being ready to learn new skills, showing signs of new confidence, and getting to know each other in ways that they simply weren’t ready for just a few weeks ago. When I am surrounded by all this sudden growth, it reminds me once again that all the hard work of getting-used-to-school was well worth it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here are just a few examples from my One's and Two's during the first week of 2011: </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-When someone smashed E’s sand castle, E just took a deep breath and said, “That’s ok. I can just build another one.” </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-When Y raised his fist and started to hit someone who was “in his way,” he changed his mind, pulled back his arm, and walked the other direction. Then he got busy playing with his favorite truck and soon I saw him hand a toy to the child he considered hitting a few moments before.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-B, D, and M were working with scissors at the playdoh table. Scissors are a new adventure for B and D, but more familiar to M. After playing, poking, and exploring the possibilities for awhile, B and D started observing M’s scissor techniques, then trying to imitate them. Before long, all three children were holding the scissors in the traditional way, and successfully snipping away at the playdoh. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-When I was reading a book to the group, each child was “glued” to the story. They sat very still, listened to every word, and wanted to talk about each aspect of the story in great detail, relating it to experiences in their own lives. I think we spent at least 10 to 15 minutes on this one little book. Then they wanted to read another book! Why does everyone always say that 2's "have no attention span?" </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-P and S, two young toddlers who didn’t even notice each other previously, played side-by-side for 20 minutes, watching the other child’s play and imitating it. Several times, P tried to engage S’s attention by eye contact and funny movements, and S responded by imimating and smiling. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-G has been stoically observing at school most of the time from September to December, rarely joining in to activities, and seldom smiling. This week she jumped in feet-first to many play activities and I observed her smiling many times, as well as interacting confidently with other children. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-T, who has been somewhat slow to develop language skills, is now one of those kids who is "glued to the story" when we're reading together. He is even more excited about discussing the story with me and his friends than the older and more verbal kids are!</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And guess what: it's not only the </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">kids</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> who show signs of growth! Adults are blossoming in January as well: </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">-Several parents who told me they were overwhelmed by being a part of a parent participation preschool a few months ago are suddenly volunteering for extra little jobs and helping other parents whose turn it is to be overwhelmed! I'm so glad they stuck it out and pushed through the difficulty of that learning curve, and in their new connectedness, I can see that they are glad as well. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These little-yet-huge accomplishments and the many others I see ever day, are the very reason why we </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">hang in there</span></i><span style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> during those times when our children are fussy, say they hate school, cry when we leave them, have embarrassingly bad social skills, or in general seem to be going backwards instead of forwards. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It takes a lot of persistence to be parents and teachers. Even though I'm not an overly patient person, all these years of working with the same age group has shown me that persistence always pays off. When we don’t give up, and we keep offering our children appropriate and enriching experiences, we eventually reap the rewards of seeing our children grow and develop. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now you know why I love January!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><!--EndFragment-->ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-28679546635060798602010-12-22T14:50:00.000-08:002010-12-22T14:52:11.991-08:00DELIBERATE PARENTING<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Parenting is hard. But it helps to have a support system like Explorer, my parent participation preschool. 20 years ago, Marlin and I joined Explorer as young parents of two little girls. I’ve been reflecting lately about the impact Explorer, and its emphasis on parent education, has made on the life of my family. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">As a mom (and a teacher) I also have many occasions to reflect on my own childhood, and I’m always interested in hearing the stories of the childhoods of parents in our school as well.Here’s a common theme: I turned out ok. And so did you. And so did most people that you know, right? And this is because of (or is it “in spite of?”) the way we were all raised. Our parents loved us and did the best they could, and we all turned out ok. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">The thing is, we are very likely to raise our kids in pretty much the exact same way as our parents raised us. Our childhood experiences created our “Normal” setting. The way we were raised is normal to us, including the parts of our childhoods and upbringing that no longer make sense in today’s world. So if we don’t make a deliberate, thoughtful effort, we may sometimes make decisions in our parenting which are less appropriate for our kids than they were for us when our parents did the same thing 25 or 30 years ago. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">The reality is that, as parents, we need to put some effort into re-thinking things that are a part of our “Normal.” We need to re-evaluate, re-think, and re-calibrate what is ok and what is not, based on our adult beliefs and values (which may be different from those of our parents, as much as we love them,) and based on today’s culture and generational challenges. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Here are some examples of this type of Deliberate Parenting:<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><b><i>TELEVISION<o:p></o:p></i></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-I watched quite a bit of tv as a kid, and “I turned out ok.” But tv in the 60’s and 70’s was very different from what’s on tv now. Just compare an episode of Glee to an episode of Happy Days. Or Southpark to Mayberry. And I didn’t alternate between tv, computer, and video games all day the way many unsupervised kids do today. I played hard outside most of the time, and then when it was dark and I had to come inside, I vegged for a couple hours in front of the Brady Bunch. It wouldn’t be very responsible for parents today to allow a kid the freedom to turn on the tv pretty much any time they want, but in the context of that time period, my parents weren’t irresponsible or neglectful. Just a little indulgent. Kids who have free reign over the remote today will probably NOT “turn out ok.” <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>So think about it: If I didn’t give this any deliberate thought, I might be of the mindset: “It’s ok for my kids to watch all the tv they want, because I watched it and I turned out ok.” It would feel “normal” to me, based on my upbringing. When Emily and Audra were little, they were as interested in tv as most kids, and I was constantly faced with decisions about how much and what they could watch. But even 20 years ago, we knew that unlimited, unsupervised access to tv is NOT good for kids. This is even more true in 2011, for all the reasons discussed above. In 1990, as well as in 2011, Explorer can be a helpful source of support for parents who want to create a life for their families that does not revolve around tv. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><b><i>DISCIPLINE <o:p></o:p></i></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Even if we were disciplined with punitive methods or spanking, we may want to think carefully about how to set limits with our kids. We will probably choose to learn more positive methods for achieving our goals for teaching our kids self-discipline. But if our default-setting is “Punishment” that’s the direction we will always go when our kids need guidance unless we put deliberate effort into thinking about other options. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><b><i>FATHERING<o:p></o:p></i></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Our dads may have been less involved and more distant, even though they loved us. But times have changed, and most of us don’t want to let our kids grow up with an un-involved dad, so we have to carefully think about and constantly tweak the roles of both parents in our families.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><b><i>FOOD CHOICES<o:p></o:p></i></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Even if I grew up on a lot of Wonder Bread, Oreos, and Koolaid, I am pretty sure I don’t want my kids (or my future grandkids) to grow up with these unhealthy options. And yes, it takes thought and planning to make healthier nutritional decisions for our families. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><b><i>SAFETY<o:p></o:p></i></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Although I survived an “untethered” childhood (car seats and seatbelts were not the norm in the 60’s) it seems VERY irresponsible (as well as illegal) now for parents to drive kids around without making sure they are safely buckled in. Not that there aren’t moments when ALL of us feel tempted to forget the car seat when our toddler arches her back and screams about getting buckled in. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">I’m sure you can think of a million things that your parents did well, and that you want to emulate. But I’m equally sure that there are things you want to do differently. In fact, I’m guessing that your parents themselves will tell you a number of things they hope you will do better with their precious grandkids than they did with you! I’m already making a list of these items for when my girls eventually become parents! <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">The key is to THINK. We can’t run on autopilot all the time, or we risk making some mistakes that could be avoided. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">On the other hand, it doesn’t make sense to be paralyzed by fear of making mistakes, or to neglect giving our kids a taste of the best parts of our childhoods. This is where the support of other parents, parenting classes, a good preschool like Explorer, and resources such as good parenting books can help, too. We all help each other to continually re-calibrate our “Normal” setting, and the fact that it changes as we go along is actually a good thing. That’s how we evolve.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. What “Deliberate Parenting” efforts are you engaged in, and why? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Ok, I gotta go. I’m off to stir up a batch of my mom’s chili for my family. That recipe, along with an appreciation for Explorer Preschool, are a couple of the things I do want to DELIBERATELY pass along to my kids and future grandkids. <o:p></o:p></span></div>ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-65784837900006452010-12-13T21:13:00.000-08:002010-12-13T21:13:20.197-08:00HAVE YOURSELF AN OPEN-ENDED CHRISTMAS<!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Let me be honest: if you offer me a choice between a nice gooey Snickers Bar or a crisp, healthy carrot, most of the time I’m pretty likely to take you up on the candy, and defer the carrot to “later.” And I’m an adult who knows better. But if sugary stuff isn’t one of the choices, I am quite happy with healthy rabbit food. Carrots are yummy, when you’re in the habit of eating them, and when you’re not comparing them to junk food. Besides, I’ve learned by now that I feel better on a diet of good veggies and other healthy things, and I feel worse when I over-indulge in sweets. But still…… if you give me the choice, I don’t always make the decision based on what’s best for me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Similarly, many of the toys that are currently popular for young children just make me sad. That’s because they are the toy-equivalent of the above-mentioned Snickers Bar: they’re appealing and irresistible, but not nourishing. Many toys have features that immediately catch the eye and appeal to children, and therefore to parents. The challenging thing is to figure out which toys will “feed the brains” and stir the imagination of our kids, and which ones are intellectual junk food. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Here are a few of my “rules of thumb” when thinking about which toys are worth your children’s time. For simplicity, I’ll talk about only two categories: “Good Toys” and “Bad Toys.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-If it needs batteries, it may be a Bad Toy, unless it’s a tool of some sort like a music player or a flashlight. Batteries mean that it will be producing some sort of action on its own, and therefore is likely to do most of the playing FOR the child, instead of allowing the child to play. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Does it beep, flash, or make noises? Does it contain a computer chip? Bad Toys often do, because toy designers and sellers obviously think kids are stupid and can’t have fun on their own, without the toy “entertaining” them. Besides, think about how very tired YOU will get of those beeps and noises over time. Do you really need another irritation? Save yourself the anguish: skip the beeping, blinking toy aisle entirely. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Is it something brand new that you’ve never seen before? Sometimes Bad Toys are exciting because they are new and novel. But think about it: many Good Toys are things that have been part of childhood forever, and will never be trendy, but will also never go out of style. Think about balls, blocks, basic dolls, simple toy cars and animals, etc. Not to mention the very basic playthings like rocks, sand, water, magnets, crayons and paper, and the Good Old Basic Stick or Deluxe Cardboard Box.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Is it based on a tv show, movie, or video game? Is there a ride somewhere in a faraway theme park based on it? If so, be wary that Bad Toy-ness can be lurking beneath a seemingly innocent façade. When a toy originates with a media character, 90% of the imagining has already been done, by the “professionals.” They even call themselves Imagineers! What 3 year old can compete with that? Most of the time, kids love media-based toys, but it’s clear that their imaginations do not soar to new heights with this type of plaything. They stick to the “script” when playing with this type of toy, and most of the benefits of pretend play are lost. We preschool teachers know that children are the “professionals” when it comes to play, and we look for toys that will be useful tools for their creative minds.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Can it be used for just one thing, or can it be played with in many ways? Good toys are usually what we in the kid-business call “open-ended.” This means that the child can play with the toy in many different ways, and almost any way the toy is used will benefit the child’s development.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Would you see this toy at preschool? (Meaning, a GOOD, developmentally appropriate preschool.) If not, maybe we don’t have it at school for a reason. Just like we try to discourage the serving of donuts and M&M’s at the preschool snack table. (Except occasionally to the grownups, when the kids are not looking.) <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Will your child be able to enjoy this toy for at least 3 or 4 years, or will the child become tired of it within weeks? Open ended toys (Good Toys) have a very long kid-life. They never go stale. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Will it enrich your child’s life, or the toy company’s profits? Good Toys don’t have to be expensive, and you don’t have to have lots of them to have fun. Just as junk food is expensive even though it has little nutritional value, Bad Toys are a waste of money. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';"><i>-Who are you buying the toy for: your child, or YOU? If your grown-up heart secretly desires the latest electronic beeping, jumping, singing, dancing, hot rod space captain nuclear star wars race car bunny rabbit, go ahead and buy it for yourself. But be sure to stock up on lots of batteries. You’re a grownup, and your brain is already supposedly finished growing. A Bad Toy probably won’t harm your development. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">With a little bit of extra thought and strength of character on your part, your child can have a calm, happy, satisfying, growing time this holiday season, and this year’s new toys will follow him or her into many new stages of development in the future. But somebody probably needs to forward this message to Santa and Grandma, because they may not understand your child’s brain as well as you now do.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Ok, time to go raid the Halloween-candy-stash. I’m a grownup, so I can eat what I want, even though I’ll pay for it later. But while I nibble on chocolate, I think I’ll go immerse myself in a good book. Even though it’s really easy and appealing to flip on another episode of my favorite mindless TV show, I know I’ll get more benefits and feel happier in the long run if I give my brain the nourishment that it really needs. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Which reminds me: Good books are the BEST gift for children! But that deserves its own blog post, so we’ll talk about books another time. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><!--EndFragment-->ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-5385635410745581962010-11-11T17:23:00.000-08:002010-11-11T17:24:39.172-08:00CHRONICLES OF A PRESCHOOL TEACHER<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Ok, so indulge me with a little literary license. I’ll make a point by the end, I promise. The following conversation is fictionalized, but loosely based on a composite of many conversations I have every year in my work with parents. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I firmly believe that ALL parents love their children, and MOST parents really do the very best they can with their kids. But I also know how hard it can be, and I admire parents who look for help and answers. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">However, see if you can tell me what “attitude problems” the following conversation might reveal. Do you think that possibly, if the parent in this scenario could find a way to meet her own adult needs, and then work on those attitudes, the child-behaviors and overall family atmosphere would improve? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">THE FAKE CONVERSATION:<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">PARENT:</span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> “I need some parenting tips. My three-year-old son is driving me crazy.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">TEACHER: </span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“What kinds of things are you wondering about?” <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">PARENT:</span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> “He’s incredibly active, never sits still for a minute. He wears me out!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">TEACHER: </span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Being extremely active physically is completely age-appropriate. I’d worry about any 3 year old who isn’t! Developmental experts say that ages 3 through 5 are the most physically active humans will ever be throughout their entire lives. But yes, it can be exhausting for parents to keep up with kids this age!” <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">PARENT:</span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> “But….. I don’t know, he’s driving me crazy.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">TEACHER: </span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Can you tell me some specific things that bother you?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">PARENT:</span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> “He never listens! When I tell him to stop doing something he doesn’t stop!” <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">TEACHER: </span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“What kinds of things do you tell him to stop doing?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">PARENT:</span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> “Wiggling at the dinner table, for example. He just won’t sit still.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">TEACHER: </span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Hmm….. sounds to me like this behavior is very much related to what we talked about a minute ago: a 3-year-old boy’s intense need to move his body. How long is he able to sit still before he starts getting wiggly?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">PARENT:</span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> “Only about 10 minutes: just long enough to gobble down his food, then he starts going nuts and he ruins our dinner every single night. His dad and I would like to have a nice relaxing meal.” <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">TEACHER: </span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Wow- he’s able to sit still for 10 minutes! That’s a long time for a 3-year-old. What would happen if you let him leave the table when he is finished eating his dinner?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">PARENT:</span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> “He would run around the house, getting all the toys out all over again! I always try to clean up the toys before dinner, so I don’t have to do it at bedtime. He would probably dump out all the block or legos. Like I said, he drives me nuts. I worry that something is wrong with him. Do you think he could have ADHD?” <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">TEACHER: </span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Maybe you could try leaving out his blocks, and then excusing him from the table to play with them when he is finished with his dinner. Do you think he might play with his blocks while you and your husband finish eating?” <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">PARENT:</span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> “Well…… maybe, but he always wants to interrupt us when we are talking. He would want to tell us about everything he is doing with the blocks. We could really use some peace and quiet.” <o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">TEACHER: </span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Wow- he likes to talk about his work! It sounds like his language development is really exciting right now!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">PARENT:</span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> “Yeah, he talks all the time, but that’s probably what makes me so mad when he won’t do what I say. I know he understands the words. Like when I tell him to clean up his toys, he usually puts 2 or 3 toys in the basket but then he runs off, and I have to clean up after him myself.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">TEACHER: </span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“I’m impressed that a busy, active 3 year old has time to help clean up even 2 or 3 toys! He’s learning a lot about being clean and tidy from your example, but most kids aren’t able to be fully responsible for their belongings until they are much older. What about other aspects of his behavior? For example, how is he with his baby sister?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">PARENT:</span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> “It’s cute how he says he loves her, but he won’t stop touching her and patting her. I tell him over and over to leave her alone, and when he doesn’t listen, I tell him it’s naughty to ignore his mom, and that nice boys listen to their parents. But he still wants to stay right next to the baby, and he always brings all the teddy bears and other toys to her. And then like I said, he won’t listen when I tell him to put them away. And when she is napping, he won’t be quiet. I turn on the tv really quietly and tell him to sit still and watch cartoons, but he keeps jumping up off the couch to run around.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">TEACHER: </span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“He sounds like a very loving brother who is trying to be nurturing. And he sounds like a very sweet, normal little boy. I’m wondering about how much time he gets to play outside, or to run and climb at a park or playground. When 3 year olds have plenty of outdoor play, they seem to be able to settle down a little bit more when they go inside.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">PARENT:</span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> “Sigh….. I just wish he were still the cute, cuddly little baby he used to be when he was his sister’s age! When he was little, I didn’t have to worry about taking him outside, or worry about his behavior at all. Now I’m always exhausted just because I try to make him do the right things all day long, and half the time, he won’t do what I say.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Whew….. I’m exhausted too, after this conversation. Imagine what it would be like to be this little boy. His beloved mother is never satisfied with him, even when he tries to help. She always wants him to sit still, but his body just CAN’T. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So tell me: who has the problems? The child or the parent?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Parents often want “tips” and quick-fixes for behaviors that they find difficult in their children. But what about fixing the parents’ expectations first? There is absolutely nothing that improves the (perceived) behavior of young children as much as helping the parent learn about child development. Once a parent has begun learning even a little bit about age-appropriate expectations, the entire atmosphere in a family changes. Frustration, anxiety, and anger can soon be replaced by joy in the child’s ongoing growth, and by the relief that comes from knowing that you’re experiencing normal things that are universal to children and families everywhere. The most important “tip” I could give this mom would be to give her son the time he needs to grow. She seems to want him to be able to behave like an adult, even though he is only three.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Knowledge is power: even a little knowledge of child development can give you the power to relax, and fully appreciate your child’s growth. Equally importantly, it can give you the power to enjoy your role as a parent. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Even though I’m sure that some of you (you know who you are!) were certain I was writing about you, please realize that I try hard to be non-judgmental with all my parents. The parent I was thinking about most when I wrote the above scenario was </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">myself,</span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> when my sweet daughters were little. I was the world’s worst when it came to expecting-too-much. Sorry, girls. I loved you very much, but I just didn’t know then what I know now.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span> </div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">But I promised you A POINT, and my main point is this: </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span> </i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">S</span></i><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">ometimes it’s a good idea to look for the answers within ourselves.</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">There is no job that requires as much self-reflection as parenting.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
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</div>ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-63221035204471733442010-10-24T18:55:00.000-07:002010-10-24T18:55:08.843-07:00IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOUSometimes I can't believe the things I say to parents in my class at preschool. The other day I told a terrific mom, "It's not all about you, y'know." Her child was screaming about something, and as parents often do, she was sort of taking responsibility for his behavior. She was talking to me about her worries that somehow, it was her "fault" that he screams when he's frustrated.<br />
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"It's not all about you." Me and my big mouth: that doesn't sound very professional. But thank goodness, this mom knows me really well and I think she understands the respect that's behind the sarcasm. But let me explain.<br />
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What I mean is: Kids are themselves. Period.<br />
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Parents are very, very important in helping kids to grow up happy and healthy. Good, earnest parenting is essential, and terribly hard to do. If kids have inadequate nurturing, they usually don't grow up to be happy with themselves, and often find many ways to make other people miserable as well. Parents have many vital roles in the development of children, starting with helping them develop a healthy sense of self, and learn the beginnings of self-regulation. Children NEED loving adults to steer them in the direction of productive lives and fulfilling relationships. <br />
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However, as parents, our magical powers are limited. Every child comes into the world as himself or herself. We can't change that underlying personhood, and shouldn't even try. The developmental theorists call this individuality "temperament" and it's been studied extensively. One set of research identifies nine distinct temperament traits that all people have in some degree, and they state that your temperament is the degree to which you possess each of the nine traits. The research shows that our temperament is inborn, and stays with us through our entire life. The person we are as toddler is still the person we will be when we're ninety years old, even if we have learned to hide or suppress it in many ways. Our temperament traits are neither good nor bad, neither positive nor negative. We are who we are, and our temperament is what makes each person unique.<br />
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Adults play a vital role in helping kids discover who they are, and learn about their own unique selves. We can often help children learn ways to "smooth the rough edges" of some of their more extreme traits. Parents can help children learn to cope with life, to appreciate themselves for who they are, and to use all their temperament traits in positive ways. A wonderful by-product of all this, is that children can then learn to appreciate the uniqueness in other people.<br />
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What adults cannot do is make an intense child into a mild one. Or an active child into a mellow one. Or a persistent child into a compliant one. What we can do is help our kids learn to thrive in spite of frustrations, and gradually learn how to meet their own emotional needs, as well as get along with other people.<br />
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In an ideal world, parents, teachers, and all adults who have contact with kids, are patient and ready to help in all situations. But in the un-ideal world in which we live, adults are just as tired, cranky, moody, and irritable as kids, and sometimes even more so. (Of course we are: and who do you think made us that way??) Living with kids can be exhausting, even though we love them dearly. So we CAN'T always do or say the right thing, and thank goodness, we don't have to be perfect. But sometimes we are able to calmly reflect back to children the "self" they are showing us at any moment through their behavior, instead of simply reacting with annoyance to the behavior. This reflecting helps our kids learn how to "be." Even though we can't do it all the time, due to the fact that we are grumpy or tired, the times we are able to do that are Golden Parenting Moments, and have a huge impact. When we're accepting, non-judgmental, and when we observe and listen, we are helping our kids become their best selves.<br />
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Your children will fuss, whine, hit, shriek, and cry. It's not your fault. They're not behaving that way because you did anything wrong. And by the way, you don't deserve all the credit for those moments when they are behaving beautifully and make you proud. Well, ok, you can pat yourself on the back a little, but the truth is that <i>the child</i> is the one responsible for his or her behavior. Some children happen to feel compelled to do more of the negative things than others, especially in the toddler years, and this is usually due to their inborn temperament. No biggie. Gradually they will outgrow most of these behaviors and learn better ways of coping, as they gain experiences with other people and with their own emotions. Your guidance and example will help. But you can't give them short-cuts through the learning process.<br />
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"It's not all about you." Jeeeezz.... I gotta be careful how I talk to parents. I'd hate to jeopardize my high-status gig as a preschool teacher! But sometimes I pack a lot of meaning into just a few words, and those words don't come out the way I intend. Thank goodness I have parents in my classes who give me the benefit of the doubt, and let me get away with it. But then, it's not all about me, is it?ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-77743382107968711662010-10-11T13:35:00.000-07:002010-10-11T13:35:52.023-07:00NURTURESHOCK PARENT STUDY GROUP<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyX1tzG08ySdJrH0R0GVma8DVmSCQtYuzET-nB2r3E3bmacg3FZ8qlrMiSnFNr2QP8qAFo-APXEbxOPYisGQ9hZQT2JC27nb15TqnuLC8QVEgRVydNY1Q-35iKSJARXAlFrGXbvHJzgw4/s1600/nurtureshock.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="83" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyX1tzG08ySdJrH0R0GVma8DVmSCQtYuzET-nB2r3E3bmacg3FZ8qlrMiSnFNr2QP8qAFo-APXEbxOPYisGQ9hZQT2JC27nb15TqnuLC8QVEgRVydNY1Q-35iKSJARXAlFrGXbvHJzgw4/s320/nurtureshock.png" width="320" /></a></div>The book, NurtureShock, is an eye-opener! Each chapter is full of well-researched, meaningful, and surprising information. All parents will find that NutureShock contains information to ponder, as well as ideas that they will want to implement with their children TODAY.<br />
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For those of you who find that the best way to enjoy a book and to absorb interesting material is through discussion, you may want to consider signing up for my Nurture Shock Parent Study Group.<br />
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We will be meeting at my home every other Wednesday evening, for four sessions, starting next week, October 20. The fee is $65 per family and one or both parents may attend. During these four evenings, we will discuss NurtureShock chapter by chapter. <br />
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Please pass this information on to anyone you know who may be interested.<br />
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For more information, or to sign up, contact me at <a href="http://Annie@TeacherAnnie.com./">Annie@TeacherAnnie.com</a>ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4404673873269018013.post-87092294333692643872010-10-07T09:09:00.001-07:002010-10-07T09:09:32.469-07:00THE LONG, LONG LEARNING CURVE<!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">If I decide to learn something that’s rather inconsequential, such as how to use a new feature on my phone, for example, it doesn’t take long. Well, compared to how fast my kids adapt to new technology all the time, I guess I’m kind of slow. But within a few minutes, I can master a new simple widget, for the most part. Piece of cake. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">But that’s just for the easy stuff. Learning the important lessons in life is harder and takes WAY longer. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">I remember when Emily was three and we signed up for the parent participation preschool. I had high hopes and shining ideals as a young parent. I expected this to be a wonderful experience, and anticipated many fulfilling moments as Emily and I experienced “teachable moments” together. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Unfortunately, the first few months in this new endeavor were not exactly as rewarding as I had hoped. When I look back on that time, I still feel the deep frustration that I seemed to be experiencing constantly. Poor me. It was hard. I imagine it was hard for Emily too.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Emily was not at an easy stage at that time, and she readily shared her frustrations with me. She went in and out of “separation anxiety,” or whatever you call it when a three year old gets upset when Mom leaves. Starting school that year, she loved Teacher Diane immediately. (It would have been hard not to: Diane was wonderful.) But every time I was supposed to drop her off at school, she screamed and fussed and I felt like the only parent who had a child with “issues.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Even worse, on the days it was my turn to stay at school and work in the classroom, Emily was like a very loud and incredibly irritating ball and chain. She wouldn’t leave my side, and she hung on me, cried, whined, and made it almost impossible for me to do my job or interact with the other children. I began to dread school days. To add to the chaos, Audra was about 13 months old at the time, and was also fussy. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">After a few weeks of constant struggle, I was ready to give up. But then, I would talk to other moms who had older kids or who had already been through this type of thing. They encouraged me to hang in there, and insisted that things would get better. Teacher Diane and Teacher Konne both informed me that I would soon find that the struggle was well worth it. So we stayed, and I persisted in my duties as a preschool mom, even though I wasn’t a very happy or effective one. I hoped that my inability to function and my daughter’s annoying behaviors weren’t ruining the experiences of other kids and parents in the school. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Further conversations with the teachers began to give me more inspiration and hope. I remember when Konne told me that I was giving my daughter a very important message when I hung in there even when she fussed and clung to me at school. She said I was conveying to her that her education is so important that I will stick with it, even when she makes it frustrating. Konne taught me that it was very important for my child to see that I could be more persistent than she was when it came to something important. But honestly, even though I believed all this in a cognitive sense, I was still in a very emotional place, and continued to struggle for quite awhile.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">But then, magically, things did gradually begin to improve. (Now I know that it wasn’t magic. It was helpful mentoring that made the difference.) Towards the end of the first year in the preschool I began to understand what we would have missed if I had given up months ago. And I was able to reflect back over the year and see real growth in myself and in my kids. (Yes, even the little sister was benefiting from all these experiences.)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">The learning continued into the next year and the next. In spite of normal ups and downs, and inevitable frustrations, I found myself KNOWING that I was learning and growing in important ways, and I was equally firm in my knowledge that my kids were gaining lifelong learning from our preschool experiences Gradually, Emily and I both began to really enjoy preschool. We both began to look forward eagerly to school days instead of dreading them. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">I had felt so impatient in those first months. I wanted to learn it all NOW. I wanted to rush through the hard parts, and get on to the fun. But guess what: that’s not how learning works. At least not when you’re learning some really important things. I understand this now, because 20 years of parenting and teaching since then have given me many educational experiences, and this lesson has been reinforced over and over. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">The most important things take the longest to learn. Patience is often hard to come by, but will always pay off when we find the strength and persistence to allow our learning to unfold over time.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">Now my girls are young adults and I still see in them many reasons to be thankful for and appreciative of the wonderful start they had at preschool. They will always be curious, self-motivated learners, and I credit their first teachers for helping them begin down that exciting path. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: 'Avant Garde';">I’m just glad I didn’t give up. Waiting it out was worth the struggle. Learning takes time. <o:p></o:p></span></div><!--EndFragment-->ANNIE CASTLE DECKERT, M.ED.PSYCH.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14307214309365818166noreply@blogger.com0